yeah so this exboyfriend of yours reckons you're still together and he punched me in the face cos i slept with you last week. you might wanna have a word with him or at a minimum change your facebook status.
why doesnt he love me? i have tried everything. i even sang to him after sex.
you have got to be kidding?
To think... Somewhere, too drunk by buckcherry is someone's theme song
for a minute I thought I needed to put on pants to go get a burrito, but then I remembered I'm in college
and when he finished he handed me a baby wipe so i could clean up. i'm ok with the fact that he has kids, but not sure how to react to this.
Ye. Looking like it's about to be one of those mythical responsible weekends
i think i swapped my keys for drugs last night
There has to be a way to make college graduation in Las Vegas different than any other Tuesday in Las Vegas. Strippers? Been there. Getting arrested for public indecency on the strip? Done that.
We're 17 hours into a 3 day weekend, and he's already shitfaced. He fell of the dock TWICE and insisted on wearing a life jacket on dry land.
I smell like icyhot and vodka... Heres to my pulled tendon.
I was mid hand job and stopped me because he wanted to "connect" which meant putting his thumb in between my eyebrows and a hand over my heart and closing our eyes...
Whiskey. Because sometimes it's fun to have your hands go numb.
If I end up in the hospital remind me to order jimmy johns.
Why?
They deliver.
we bonded over knowing every word to freaky gurl by gucci mane so it’s kinda starting to make sense why I gave him head in his cul de sac
it's my fake id's birthday. i'm wearing a hat, and i have a beard. i'm untouchable. TO THE BARS!
Randomize
