i'm pretty sure god just pointed at me and laughed
i was about to rearrange the room but realized that this is the only efficient setup where we can have sex while the other one's asleep without them accidentally seeing.
Oh my god I'm so bored. The virgin is so disinteresting when I'm not trying to cum on her face.
Bible prof is the guy I made out with at the gay bar on the fourth. He doesn't remember.
i spent an hour trying to convince my psychiatrist that the fact that i showed up for my appointment drunk was progress, and she does not agree
No seriously stop! I feel bad for him. It isn't even big enough to make fun of. It's so small that it's like a disability.
No worries. On my way home to get ski poles and wipe the sick off my face. Then it's time to get drunk in the park
We were having an argument with his friends mom about whether it was worse that he bootycalled me at 4 a.m. or that I bootycalled him at 12 in the afternoon
Vegas is great, yelled at a guy 4 lanes over if he wanted a bj. ended up having sex in a vacant lot. I think he was homeless.
My new dealer was watching Space Jam and eating ham off a frisbee when I went over. He's my new favorite person
If it makes you feel any better about life I'm wearing yoga pants with granny panties and toms with socks cause fuck my life
Welp last night I made out with the guy who slices my deli meat at publix. I'm sure there's a joke there but I'm too hungover to find it. Go noles.
She shoved her hand down my pants and held my cock for thirty minutes in the bar. It was like she was letting all the other females know I was hers.
Needless to say, I did not go home with him cause he kinda resembled a guppy fish.
You're having marijuana delivered to you. You're buying drugs and you aren't even leaving the house. I'm sure he'll be surprised if you're NOT wearing a bathrobe.
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