According to Glamour magazine, experiencing sexual pleasure helps you live longer. I am dying an early death.
see you put your penis in her and it's like an ignition key to start the crazy
Hulk Hogan has now convinced 2 women to marry him & I have yet to have a successful or healthy relationship. I am officially depressed.
Some milfs here doing some blow
Dad?
Just try to lay there and not be pregnant.
I can't believe all I ate yesterday was half a turkey sandwich and 20 finger licks of exctasy.
I ended up giving him head, i think it was mostly a defensive move so that he wouldn't discover i was wearing those onesy spanx
It's my fault there's ramen coiled around his penis.
it's a drink the shower water kind of morning ...
My boyfriend sold my favorite shoes right off my fucking feet last night outside the bar. It might have played a part in our breakup today.
How many ballsacks did you see last night because I saw eight
I literally just skipped to the fridge when I realized we had enough vodka left to get day drunk
At one point she put on my dads pants and yelled after him EMILIOOOO! Dude, my dads name is Mark.
OH MY GOD I AM DYING. AS I WAS TEXTING I JUST BUMPED INTO A MOTHER FUCKING DEER. I AM SHAKING
Wait...Literally? You hit a deer...with your body?!
I PHYSICALLY RAN INTO IT. I FELT ITS WEIRD HAIR AND I EVEN APOLOGIZED CAUSE IT DINDT REGISTER THAT IT WASNT A PERSON. MORTIFIED.
dude you pointed at my dad's crotch and said I'd tap that. I didn't even know you were gay.
Randomize
