found an empty one..2nd door on the right...i'm already naked.
Found a phone last night. Hope "daddy" gets picture messages
Dude you can't like a status about me getting hit by a car
I mean if she was naked in my room I would talk to her
My professor complimented me on the well drawn penis on my face then asked if I would like a seat closer to the garbage can.
Somehow I magically turned down a threesome last night. On my birthday. You're a horrible wingman.
I saw a 60 yr old mans penis last night. Just for the record.
I mean turning down birthday sex is never the answer
Thanks for walking over, a conversation about David Bowie's dick as a muppet is exactly what my day was missing.
She just drunkenly falls over and yells " I lost my footing!" in a british accent and then proceeds to run into the wall... did you spike her water?
that pic of me and the hulking football player sure does come in handy when creepy guys hit on me at the bar.
My CPA just snapchatted me a picture of her playing beer pong at a picnic. Time to do my own taxes?
Seriously just told the plant the cheese Pringles are mine.
There's a possibility I may have hooked up with that British guy...
Possibility? You left the door open! Everyone saw!
welp,tonight ive reached new levels. by new levels I mean,i showed some guys my boobs for water. on your tab.. the most pointless thing ive ever done. either we should hang out way more,or never again.
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