Kicked off drink for Jesus month by puking in my mouth while talking to my priest...real cool
last night i found out that about 5 of my friends audio recorded us having sex through the bedroom door, then auto tuned it in the tpain app on his iphone.
we seriously had to hang a plastic bag on his ears so he could throw up right into it.
there is way too much butter on my body for this to be okay
Just because you're using the Hipstamatic app for your nude photo taking, it doesn't make your drunken blowjob pics any classier.
Not cool at all. Last night I organized my condoms by expiration date. I need to get laid.
wait a second. did i just remember you the other night referring to your tits as tia and tamara.....
This exeeds the amount of high I planned on being.
She bent the beer can with her tongue. I'm scared of what she'll do to me
Sorry for trying to force you and Robert to make out. I didn't realize how awkward it was until I woke up today.
You had the genius idea to tape beer to the celing fan. There goes his security deposit. He is gonna be fuckin pissed.
Also.. The Hobbit does not look like a cartoon. We were just too fucking high.
Apparently you can unlock an iPad by doing a line on the lock screen I'm about to bust that myth
I need to get all the one night tinders in my system before I move back in with my parents
Have you ever eaten pizza and gotten your dick sucked at the same time? Because I have pizza.
Randomize
