man, i hate rosetta stone. i wanted to impress this girl with italian last night but all i could say were things like "a blue airplane" and "he is wearing a white shirt"
dude can i febreze my hair or is that slutty?
it wasn't sex, it was awkward naked time.
We shouldn"t be alone together
you didn"t say that yesterday
you weren't married yesterday
He keeps whispering to me that he can't wait to tie my hands up with my wig?
I just found a casserole dish in my oven filled with broken glass, blood, and chopsticks. And the REALLY fucked up thing is that finding it answered more questions than it raised.
Have you ever noticed that the cities in car commercials look really futuristic?
...did you eat that brownie?
Dear future Eric, sorry about the Everclear. Sincerely, Eric +2 shots E.C.
I'm still high with raccoon eyeliner eyes and chocolate all over my face and chest, clutching a mug of wine. Happy graduation.
Well after we were arrested you just kept chanting "Like a good neighbor state farm is there"
The old guy next door tried to get me to go to his apartment for shots formoonshine. =-0
If that weren't so sketchy I would encourage it
Yeah it was almost as sketchy as a white panel van pulling up offering candy
My desperation for dick was off put by his anime figure collection.
So why exactly are your shoes in my freezer?
Kind of like the new iOS 10 because I can send sexts with fireworks or confetti. Really gets the point across
I would wear his ballsack as a hat if he asked me to
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