dude chill. it wont be anything like your seventh grade birthday party.
I don't know where I am, but its a Goosebumps novel waiting to happen.
dude your girlfriend is running naked down the hall with a raw chicken taped to her stomach saying this is what I'll look like pregnant...run far far away
i dont know, i woke up and he was going down on me. i guess i can save his number
Besides, I'm not in my 30's. I'm still allowed to drink wine from a bag.
I love how our sober spotter means you only have to stay sober enough to type your pin in an ATM
Your texting shows a blood alcohol level of .12
I just found out the guy that lied and blew me off got arrested, his mugshot is online. Life is good.
I don't know what she looks like but I'm pretty sure she has a pussy.
My frontal lobe is being piloted by Jack Daniels right now.
I'm about to play another round of who's panties are in my car.
now to finish some work and then i think i'll work out. or garden. or at the very least I'll continue eating frozen grapes and take more drugs
I just woke up butt-naked in bed with a guy I've never seen..I reached into my bag next to the bed to get my phone and found a bag of shrooms, a handle of vodka, and 600 dollars that I've never seen. what do I do
enjoy it.
He was like "why do you look so cute today?" and I said "I showered" and he laughed. I wasn't making a joke
I'm not drunk or hungover and I don't have to work. My body is sooo confused!
Randomize
