New low. Found an ant nibbling on my last xanax. Flicked it away and popped it in my mouth anyways.
just threw up into the cup of Gatorade I was hoping would settle my stomach. thanks again, alcohol.
I wish we never smoked. I'm literally laying in bed opening and closing my eyes, just hoping a hot dog stand will appear in the room.
I guess the cop knew i was on a walk of shame and felt bad...i got to play with the siren the rest of the way home
Speaking of morons, I just found half a Subway sandwich in the bathroom drawer You or your brother?
i love that you felt the need to clarify that you don't actually have drugs in your vagina.
She's the drunk girl with the air-horn and sunflower seeds.
Between the walk of shame, bar fight, karaoke, injuries, number of bar check-ins, and variety/quantity of alcohols and Advil consumed, I'd say HookerFest 2012 was a raging success.
I wish I could just hang out in ERs.
Ever the responsible adult, I just realized that today is the Obamacare deadline, but I'm too high to handle insurance now.
We need to leave a grand offering for the god of free booze and salvia.
I've also stopped shaving, like, everything. I can't tell if I'm empowered or sad
I woke up in the bathtub with money shoved down my pants. I must've done something right.
So apparently I tried texting you last night to tell you I wasn't coming home, but all I had typed were lyrics from Evita
Taco Bell is better for you than cocaine, I promise.
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