sometimes you just have to masturbate at your friend's house.
Well.. considering he unknowingly dated a prostitute, I consider myself the winner in that break up.
Drunk in a canoe getting pulled by a lawn mower thinking of you
You weren't a difficult drunk to take care of. I just had to stop you from plunging the toilet once or twice.
Well if my looks don't work with her I'll eat the 50 nuggets to impress her fat roommate.
This is America. Thomas Jefferson would have said I want some vagina.
Scary truckers and hobos. These are the men I attract
I screamed "I want dick!" in the middle of the intersection. So many hot guys. I wish you were here.
I'd go lesbian for $50 and a good phone case.
There is a chick wearing some guy's shirt wrapped around her waist as a skirt... She's flashing her panties to everyone as she sings karaoke. You need to get here.
You realize that if you get murdered while we're talking, I'm gonna have to explain to your next of kin why the last thing on your phone is a picture of my boobs.
Sometimes you just gotta get high and go to a planetarium. Why can't he understand that?
Like if Ohio doesn't think I can get smashed on wine I will gladly prove them wrong
Do you ever get so high you're like vibrating
I know this shouldnt be a problem, but there are too many women hitting on me. I dont know what to do
Randomize
