we were taking shots of hot tequila, which is even worse than it sounds
okay serious question, the water is shut off in your house, do you attempt and use the clean toilet water for your new bong?
can we please take bets on how much therapy you'll need in the future?
why do you have a stuffed bear wearing a thong and a seatbelt in your backseat??
This exeeds the amount of high I planned on being.
She gives me Chlamydia and somehow I'm still the asshole
I took my shirt off and stood in the kitchen for an hour and a half talking to his parents about my tattoos
Where are you? This girl fell on a baby. She is just gone. Please Hurry
I'm hurrying
Dude. She just shit herself.
We should invent fake asshair for you to wear so you can experience my pain for a day.
I'm worried my skin won't stretch enough to handle this boner. Then what?
Boys that pee in my bed don't get happy birthday wallposts on facebook
Today wasn't Sunday Funday, it was more like Sunday god is taking a shit on my life day
I swear if he puts my hand anywhere near his dick tonight I'm "accidentally" leaving all my rings on
There's times when I just want to bottle my farts for later they're so insane.
Other than the whole stab wound in my leg thing, today was pretty good. The nurses all loved me and gave me a sandwich and juice.
Randomize
