i like that octo mom she is my favorite xmen
he said "you're pretty" then i made out with him. thats all it took
I wish there was a hungover fairy to brush my teeth and bring me a diet coke.
It's shedding
I told you penises don't tan
He nailed 50 frozen hamburgers to the ceiling last night. Now there are flies every where.
So I've been to the library twice so far. Both times were for the atm, and once I was stoned. Junior year is going great.
Just woke up with 34 slim-jims in my pocket. Too afraid to check the others.
I just dumped out my gym water bottle and filled it with white wine. This is the end.
I swear to God, I just heard my guardian angel tell us to stop. I think we should listen.
I think off duty cops drove me home. I may have been hitchhiking
As we were fooling around he told me he was conceived on this bed like it would turn me on.
Smoked before work and just remembered i left pringles in my desk last time i was high. SCORE
You better be Eskimo Brother-ing the FUCK out of tonight right now. Long distance 'balls deep' high five
It wasn't so much a one night stand as much as one night she puked on my nightstand.
Of course his biggest mistake was assuming that I ever gave a fuck to begin with.
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