i may have used way too many innuedos last night. i scared him off. but really... how could i pass up "stimulus package" and "flacid economy." don't answer that.
Oh yes. The girl who wanted me to watch her pee.
I just woke up to my FedEx of contacts I've been waiting for for about a week and my hungover ass went to the bathroom and used beer instead of contact solution.
i just uploaded three hundred pictures and you had your shirt off in two hundred and ninety of them
the remaining ten - you weren't in
i just got a fart via voicenote. blackberry has officially changed history.
I don't remember much but I remember it was a unanimous decision that Santa was indeed real and Cait's stripping somehow proved this.
Its not gay if you're best friends and there's less than an inch of dick in the picture. That's where the line is drawn
She told me that for every Ravens touchdown, I'd get to come once.
Marry her. Marry her now. I'll help you steal the ring.
Wesley I'm sober and my body hurts. There wasn't much trust in any of those falls.
but, alas, I am not the lady in the streets. I'm simply the freak in the sheets.
I took a 19 year old to a strip club and ended up in a three way. Divorced life might be OK.
His baby mama found the pictures of us, she couldn't see my face but she could see my asshole. So I'm safe.
Celebrated Veteran's Day by getting a Marine (who just got back from deployment in the middle east) drunk and laid for the first time in 6 months. #Murica
it's like he didn't even know what a vagina was
She complained to dominos last night for hanging up on her, and then she wrote "fuck you dominos" on the receipt when we got our pizza
So we are banned from the campus dominos
Randomize
