the real housewives of new jersey finale is tonight. it makes me wish we had pot.
I climb out of my sunroof. I mean its kind of embarrassing but part of me feels awesome and ninja like.
i pounded out a 17-yr-old on saturday night
no, that is not a typo
i turned her down on fri night, googled the state consent laws & then caved on saturday
i'm ready for this baby to gtfo so i can get coked out.
good news. according to wikipedia, my blackout might just have been "post-trauma amnesia"
I was greeting people at my door feeding them jello shots out of an ice cube tray with a spoon.
There was a staple in my grits at waffle house last night. My knees are bruised as hell. And I puked pink all over my bathroom. Gooood night.
Im cutting you off tonight ONE boy at a time
So fucking hammered. Is this all spelled right? I'm holding it up to my eye. I am on a boulder. I feel like an owl
It was a book called Gay Safari.
I'm so happy for you now that you have found your perfect porn novel.
Sex on the scooter in the parking lot wasn't the smartest idea. Actual quote from the cop as he handed me the ticket and fist bumped me.
I want my birthday to be like the hunger games where all the contenders for my vaj have to fight each other off to win the prize
Can I have the second place winner?
I woke up with Pop Rocks stuck to my ass
He asked if I was going to squirt out my bday candles. I'm glad the perversion doesn't stop for special occasions.
Last night we proved the theory that "harder" is the worst rough sex safe-word ever.
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