Woke up with feathers in my hair. at work. still drunk. sooo awkward.
so i was supposed to be to work at 8..but its 9:15 and im currently standing stoned in the middle of holiday...with a bag with three doughnuts, two redbulls, and a slim jim..
god i miss watching you do this...
you texted me last night and told me you couldn't find the toilet.
That explains the puddle of pee in my closet.
I was just referred to as 'the margarita slut' by an 11 year old.
So did u puke in his bathroom or all over his Olympic medals? Please say medals...
Just whatever you do please don't lick his face again.
The empty keg landed on my head. It's a good thing we already got shitfaced or i'd be a vegetable and the humor would be completely lost.
Well to me, someone is not really my friend until we go to a mcdonalds drunk at 4am. It's like a right of passage
The old guy next door tried to get me to go to his apartment for shots formoonshine. =-0
If that weren't so sketchy I would encourage it
Yeah it was almost as sketchy as a white panel van pulling up offering candy
Dry heaving on campus is my new low. Also, go pats
so, i guess i gotta chill on showing up to work hungover... someone anonymously left a bible in my work mailbox (no one else got one)
Why did I wake up with BYOB sharpied on my stomach
Well I just woke up to no pants, Gatorade on the headboard along with an uneaten steak, and the instinct I was a giant asshole.
If I had any lingering questions about my sexuality, the strip club tonight verified I'm 100% gay
I peed in Andys sink the other day bc I didnt want him to hear me pee
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