just because she blew him doesn't mean she knows his name.
giving a 30 min presentation still drunk is like giving birth, upside down in a pit of snakes while being on fire.
i woke up wearing her shoes. this night isn't going on my highlight reel
Mystery solved: The table is broken because I had sex on it last night.
i jsut waqnnna hugg thw crap outa sokme peoplee
HOW DID YOU END UP IN THE BATHROOM WITH A DANCER AFTER 12 MINUTES?
After a couple hours you decided you were going to walk home but ten minutes later you called and said you'd puked by the side of the road and you needed us to drive you to the art museum.
Did you mean to cry when you finished last night? Or were you just that drunk?
she asked me where ive been her entire life and the guy in the room next to us yelled "with other women bitch!"
apparently i tried to facetime the drunk bus last night, that's probably why we had to walk back to campus
Drunk ass.
omg i wish you could see the front of my car.
There's literally a dust print of your body and your arm trying to hold on and the other one where your fingers visibly dragged down the hood.
classified somewhere between kinky and medically inadvisable
Waiting on the notification from my fitness pal that tells me I'm an alcoholic
I'm good. Got my nipples pierced and threw my back out. 🙌
My roommate wasn't home and I was too drunk and tired so I peed in the trash can. Twice.
Randomize
