So today I found out that our school is known as the herpes school
but i have a bet that her boyfriend is going to try and deflower her tonight so i better get a move on if i want to videotape it
i just called corporate taco bell to ask about the life span of a chicken burrito.
No. untill you have done a puke that contains nothing but semen and tequila, you do not 'feel my pain'
saw a man tazing a raccoon in the middle of the street last night... normal
I seem to remember you being very disappointed that drinking Michelob Ultra didn't give you magic powers.
Oh my god. I'm sorry if i peed on you last nite. I am truly disgusting
I think, at this point, getting pissed and declaring my love via reality TV would be an improvement
i can feel the knowledge leaking out of my brain
replace it with alcohol - nature abhors a vacuum
let's make a party pact right now just as precaution for this trip: ill make sure you don't piss yourself if you make sure I don't bang my cousins friends. deal?
you ate the make a wish sign. Like actually chewed on it. It was our solution to going outside when the cops were there
Dude I just came exactly at the crescendo of the Catalina wine mixer duet from step brothers.. Advance to next level.
If TJ is short for Trader Joe, I'm gonna fuck him
I'M HANGING OUT WITH THE DRUG DEALER UPSTAIRS JUST SO I CAN STEAL HIS WIFI PASSWORD, I HOPE Y'ALL LOVE ME.
Just filed for child support I hope he gets the paperwork on Father's Day
Randomize