yes i saw that this morning. it was my mailbox.
It was amazing what she could do with her one good arm.
shotgunning a bud heavy is like shotgunning a turkey sandwich
why wash my dick in the morning if you're not there to suck it?
No now hes going to beat me to our goal of getting someone to have sex in the library. I hate periods.
I don't know what to judge you more for.
We had sex after spending two hours in the drunk tank. It was really deep and meaningful
Bad news. I lost my teeth. Good news. I can still take a guy home sans teeth.
We were confused who drove until we went outside and her cupholders were torn out of the dash and laying on the ground
Yeah but I get laid and I know. He drank toilet water last night and he doesn't know about that either. Still makes me happy though.
I woke up spooning with a broom that someone taped a mustache too..i need to stop starting my nights by drinking "hangover" wine.
He sent me a snapchat of himself growing a double chin. I think we're past the stage where there's any risk of us sleeping together. Ever.
Got back to find Sarah in her underwear eating peanut butter and watching Arrested Development with the thermostat at eighty.
Ain't no cockblock like hearing the word"HOOODOOORR!" shouted from the bedroom floor while in the middle of sex.
Did my dad just see you doing a walk of shame?
Yup I waved.
Omg there's puke under my pillow. Clearly I puked and tried to hide it. From myself. \n
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