Lavender boy was great at seduction and crappy in bed.
I'm at this poker game and this kid to my left is bragging about all the chicks he hits including a "playboy model" when all of a sudden this 22 guy looks him in the eye and says "ever fuck a 70 woman. The things they can and are willing to do" Next think the whole table is quiet for an hour. That guys my hero...
i feel so shallow. people in iran are using twitter to write hardcore nathan hale shit about dying for freedom. my last tweet was "i hate the taco shits"
Is my tampon string too long for this dress?
If it has a penis then it will be stupid. Just how it works.
I told her I was team Edward. I haven't gotten laid that easy since I told your sister that I had cancer
Why did 20 jello shots in a row sound like a good idea last night?
I dunno. It's not as good as 'devourer of cocks' but I suppose few things are.
We had three bowls going. It was a tri-bowl tournament. Harry potter shit.
Until you find your self finger banging supergirl in the middle of the dance floor while her friends are passing around for luigi mustache for a photo op, YOU HAVE NOT HIT MY LEVEL
I gargles a mimosa for breakfast. It's gonna be a killer Monday.
I didn't know I was invited to an orgy.
When she's hammered the amount of alliteration that comes out of her mouth is amazing.
It took me twenty minutes to read that sentence.
All I said was okay...
Who fucking spams baby shark at a sports bar
Randomize
