I just googled how to quit your job and cause a big uproar at the same time....i tell you how tomorrow goes, i'm so excited....
then I woke up and felt a boner that wasn't even mine. never taking 3am vodka again
I will also inform you that stairs change when you change a house. Those hurt.
I just got a bj @ my old preschool...my childhood memories r all ruined
I started drinking at 10.30am. Ive got a solid buzz, ive decided holidays are to be treated like gamedays
just saw someone climb out of the dumpster at cvs and start walking down the street like it was completely normal
We smoked a bowl, ate popcorn, and watched her lava lamp for an hour. it was a quality bonding experience
I think we should have realized the night was going to be nuts when it started with a bum dying in front of my house.
I legitimately had a champagne shower last night at a rave. I was also carrying around two bananas in my pockets like guns. Drunk doesn't even. Begin to explain My night.
His balls are like really small, like dog sized balls. It was a weird discovery. Ever done a guy with dog sized balls?
I just used bulldog clips for nipple clamps. Also, a wooden spoon as a paddle. DYI Domination or Ghetto Bondage?
Is it possible to be drunk burnt? Like sun burnt but from drinking? Cus I think I that's what it feels like
she asked me to come back to her house where "hopefully her kids were asleep". that my friend is what i call a dealbreaker
The man who almost made us Eskimo sisters is getting married. Of course I'll be your date. We need to toast the end of his sex life!
It's 1:37. You have 23 minutes to get your dick to the bar before I go home with the bartender... tick... tick...
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