I'm so glad you managed to take a picture of your foreskin before you broke my camera.
I just followed a trail of feathers and glitter to class. Today better be fucking magical.
Your dad's facebook is ejaculating midlife crisis all over my minifeed
I'm ashamed of you 12 hours later and 200 miles away
There was just way too much discussion about my penis at that party
You are the only one who would stop a bum, tell him to open up, then pour straight vodka in his mouth. You made his year.
My brain is foggy with friends reruns and him licking hummus off my tits.
Breakfast-of-shame with my mother. I was in half of a sexy Mad Hatter costume. We had artisan bagels and judgement.
The fire alarm went off at 3 am in the freshmen dorm. So guess which junior everyone now knows is hooking up with a freshman? This girl...
my friend thinks you're hot & wants to fuck you ps i'm my friend
Just found out my rents have been paying my siblings to cockblock me for the past 5 years
Not as covert as you thought huh?
It was so small.
Tiny. Got to love sexting. Imagine finding out the old fashioned way.
So this is what it's like to wake up with someone else's blood in your nose...
He stopped mid-fuck to explain his choice in pillows. HE WAS STILL IN ME!
IM HAMMERED AND JUST HAD CHEESECAKE THAT MADE ME FEEL LIKE NO MAN HAS EVER MADE BE FEEL BEFORE.
Randomize
