you think the cum will come out of moms black shirt?
As I was driving her home she congratulated each and every deer we saw for making it through the first day of dear season.
Aj and I already plan to tape our thumbs to our palms so we know how it feels to be a t-rex.
he is like the poster child for std's. god i hope he meets a girl with teeth in her vag. that would serve him right
Until then we have the self affirmation from retweets and nights alone with pizza..
i'm pretty sure i can feel a baby kicking just looking at him. if he didnt impregnate you, you officially have an iron-clad uterus.
It's always a good night until the penis tattoo makes an appearance
Doing a circuit workout and using a power hour playlist for my 1 minute timers. I am getting old. creative, but old.
I don't think he cares about your inhospitable uterus.
I now have a other guy willing to drive 3 hours for my vagina. At my next gyno appointment I'm asking her if there's cocaine in there.
I can't believe I forgot to wish you a happy 13 week-iversary of the time you raw-dogged a rando. Only two days late, so it still counts. And since your 14 weeks is coming up, you should know that at 14 weeks your baby can squint, frown, grimace, pee, and possibly suck his/her/their/zir thumb!
we're spending all day in bed drinking spiked eggnog and fucking
Btw, the reason I have a black eye is bc I needed to puke so hard yesterday morning; I whipped up the toilet seat so fast that I railed myself in the face. Then spent the rest of the day more carefully puking. Kind of why I'm not in the mood for drinking.
This may sound strange but do you have my pants?
You tried to trade them for some girls skirt... So she has them...
Is there a number of dicks a girl can have in a weekend before it becomes unacceptable? Asking for a friend
Remember! It’sa long weekend and a holiday weekend and it’s America’s birthday! So don’t short change me!
I thought you were asking for a friend
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