I was hooking up with him in my car, he wouldn't stop with my nipples, I had to literally beat him off of me. He kept groaning too while he was doing it. Sick.
Mommy issues
Going to spend my cab money on more shots and just take the ambulance home
I haven't been this sober since birth.
The drink u got me is pineapple something w. Cigarete ashes in it.ima drink it anyway
those 9 inches of man changed my life forever.
Wife passed out. Doing shots with the hot bartender... Don't tell me I don't know how to celebrate a 1yr anniversary
Well yes but because of that incident i now salute to truck drivers
pretend your vagina is a choco taco and the guy is someone who really loves choco tacos. let him enjoy the choco taco.
Literally lying on a futon being hand fed bacon
Fuck you.
You were sitting in the middle of the floor spewing vodka at people proclaiming "I a whale". That drunk.
Oh we were great hosts that night. We made sure to leave all the beds open by passing out on the bathroom floors instead.
He's the stereotypical redneck. He tried to go kayaking during a storm and almost got into a fight when a park ranger tried to stop him
Current dream situation- Gordon Ramsey is my Uber driver and he's hauling around a backseat filled with chocolate covered açai berries. I'm good for eternity.
I’m going to try to be less of a cryptic bitch this week. Should be nice.
She was giving me head, and a cop pulled up next to us. I freaked when he looked over at me, but so did he and rear ended the car in front of him.
Randomize
