I asked him if he wanted to go to my place, he said i could go but he was gonna stay
Do you ever think God made girls unattractive around their periods as a warning?
In debating whether or not it's worth getting out of bed and walking 5 feet down the hallway to go to the bathroom before I puke
the way i see it him paying 500 bucks for my fake abortion is karma's way of punishing him for cheating on his wife
His car is carseat is compatible. I checked while we were banging in the back seat...
Do you remember unrolling paper towels as a blanket?
Kristy will be communicating through my phone. Due to her current blood alcohol level, the laws of Pennsylvania, Erie county, and common decency have deemed that she is no longer permitted to have her own phone.
Is this the guy that did shots off my ass at the beach? Haha
That guy was cool until he tried fighting that dude in the bow tie. I need better wingmen.
Dick. I'll go round and break his windows. I've been watching Sons of Anarchy on Netflix.
Why does 10AM Spanish always turn into a discussion about my sex life?
I woke up with an empty beer bottle in my slipper and a note that said "it just wants to be warm"
Got drunk tryed walking 12miles to zacks house woke up at noon on baseball park
Im bringing my light up rubber ducky just in case we end up at a rave tonight. HE CHANGES COLOR!
Just left the ER. Only good thing... my hot ass nurse Carlos stripped me.
God works in mysterious ways.
Randomize
