I'm going to jail i love you
And I wrote a rap so it was actually a productive afternoon minus not paying our bills.
in hindsight, drinking 2 bottles of wine probably wasnt going to put me in an optimal position for a job interview
you freaked out because you thought your face lotion was cum in a bottle
you took out flashcards at the bar and went around asking guys what totalitarianism meant.
my little brother just told me that I should start chasing my vodka with slim fast. genious.
There is a keg full of gin. THERE SHOULD NEVER EVER BE A KEG FULL OF GIN.
all i wanted was to be slutty. now i'm meeting him for drinks tomorrow because he woke up before i had a chance to sneak out and was too polite to say no
That dude you fucked three years ago just won Jeopardy
I am literally sitting on the toilet in utter disbelieve that last night even happened. My god that was only Monday.
AND I JUST GOT FUCKING DAUGHTER ZONED. NO. I'M DONE. I HATE BOYS. ASEXUALITY HERE I COME.
The only thing you accomplished yesterday was dry humping me on the floor of my work place WHILE I was working.
Can you explain to me why there are fake boobs glued on my chest?
I feel like we need a drunken piñata bash with your face being the piñata and my hopes and dreams being the stick
No reason. My tongue went numb after one shot. I may die tonight
Randomize
