your profile still reads that you like women...interesting? I think there is some photography and video that will show otherwise
you know you've been in a long relationship when u start retiring sex toys
I wasn't trying to make you feel bad, I just agreed with you that your life does suck.
I just chased the everclear with Listerine...I think I found my new chaser!
Just spit on a sock to clean a spot on my glass table. Oddest combination of so lazy and motivated ever.
I just want you to know I tipped the cab driver $10 last night because I felt bad that he didn't have healthcare.
I never thought I'd say this, but there is a life threatening amount of rumpleminz in our freezer
I had 5 long islands and 2 alien brain hemorrhages…I am entirely certain that the "power hour to finish the night" idea was just too much.
Apparently drunk me was getting hit on and i wasn't into it so i shouted "Stupify" at him like i was fucking harry potter then went to the pizza place next to the bar and punted some guys pizza box out of his hands. :(
The light burnt out and he thinks the power is out in the whole house. He is cooking a hog dog over two candles. I'm gonna see if he'll make me one
Just turned your apartment into a democracy and were voting on who takes shots next
During your work shift I was either: a) stoned. b) high. c)stoned. or d) high.
The highlight of the trip was definitely my dad telling me that I "used to be his prettiest daughter."
I have a completly random but serious question. Can I make a paper mache mold of you ass and turn it into a pinata filled with airplane bottles of liquor? Its for my art class
I cant believe you bit her ass cheek, she must have been really weirded out.
yeah so we made out to make it less awkward
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