matts gf stood and watched my naked ass gather my clothes off his floor this morning. sweet.
They have to be talking about me. I never heard that statement until I was born.
Laughlin, where retired strippers come to die.
my roomate judo was messing around with a girl who recently had a kid, when he was sucking her tits milk came out lmao
you made your cat watch a peta video with you, so you could show it how just how good its life is
Don't leave without me in the morning. I keep scaring everyone cause I'm sleeping in the bathtub.
She wouldn't stop saying her own name. Like a damn pokemon.
the bride spent most of the night apologizing to people she had punched earlier.
Picture this: me driving down 183 throwing up into a towel. I just hit rock bottom.
There was enough sluts here for 2 threesomes to happen at the same time, and you still struck out. What did you do to piss off karma so much?
I just laughed at the word pudding. I have no idea whats going on right now.
He drank his beer out of his own shoe. Its his "party trick"
his daughter has his phone and goesss ohhh boobies and shows me a picture of my own tits...
I have no idea what to do with myself since we graduated.
I've just been napping and sexting all day.
Is 6 weeks really a benchmark now?
Ask me in 6 more weeks, when they're in a bisexual polycule.
Randomize
