Do you think they could tell I was high on that conf call?
Yeudjkisdjxbfceryuj. i love having a qwerty keyboard just so i can do that.
I'm pretty sure I'm almost gay. Like, I'd do it if I had no choice. Like, if i were in prison I'd try it.
Why does Thanksgiving make hot girls feel disgusting and fat girls feel horny? Its killing my prospects.
i was just singing like a virgin out loud my mom told me to stop kidding myself
After the tests come back negative, you guys will look back on this evening with fond memories...
If I start taking birth control 8 days after we had sex do you think it'll stop the baby from being made?
At home depot. Final room inspection is tmrow, gotta paint over the puke stains
it took me 20 minutes to get her upstairs... she crawled under a car and wouldn't come out.
IM PICKING UP BLOW FOR US STOP WHINING ABOUT SEX
Why do I always miss the parties you're naked at?!
I get naked cuz your not there
I'm sure we could make a ball of yarn and a nickel into a drinking game
Why do I have a separate credit card just for booze? Because I saved enough points so Saturday we are flying to Denver to smoke legal weed and fly back in the same day.
so how was it...?
sadly not as impressive as one might expect from a division one athlete. he lacked the stamina i had hoped for, and by lacked i do mean he fell asleep while he was still inside me. an epic wtf moment, i know.
The only thing that makes a night with half a bottle of cheap vodka is the other half of that bottle of cheap vodka.
Randomize
