I need help removing her.
I just heard a mom tell her toddler son "shut the fuck up. Don't ask me to buy you shit when i'm taking u to go see some fucking animals" welcome to the bronx.
I never thought that I'd ever use the phrase "and the resulting ice cream explosion" seriously at work...
WHAT IS WRONG WITH SOCIETY?!?!?!
... says the kid who took a shit in my parents dishwasher...
I woke up to them arguing over who would get my morning wood. Oh, and I was dressed as Santa.
You know when the three of us hug it out in the alcohol isle in walmart it's gonna be fun.
Ugh I just wanna make an announcement like: Attention high school classmates: if we haven't spoken in 5 years, we don't need to start now. Please be on your way
It got messy; I did a shot of seamonkeys.
Still losing my voice, so I am trying to get it back through drugs. Welcome to my Monday logic.
I now have a GPA requirement for guys I hookup with more than once.
Apparently being drunk on a southwest flight and yelling "TURNUP" during take off is looked down upon in this state.
Haha. Maybe he's one of those feminine men who fucks like a god then makes you fantastic crepes afterwards
It's all fun and games until you rupture a testicle
I can't believe just smoked out of a pear
I can't believe you had a pear already made to smoke out of, that was impressive
What happened last night?
Lets just say you asked me a couple times if you had eyeballs..
Randomize
