You screamed, "I am going to fuck this cheeseburger". They all started laughing until you actually started having sex with the cheeseburger.
i love my job...i have craft hour at my desk w twizzlers
can u grab me a application
we're microwaving frozen margaritas its not the same without u
You told the cops that they couldn't arrest you because they weren't hot enough to fuck
just had a dream there were parent teacher conferences in college...scariest dream ever.
if you don't go out with us, what are you gonna do? you're gonna go home and watch biodome and masturbate to texts from your east coast boyfriend and see the facebook pictures from the party when you wake up.
Why are you always at the walk in clinic, Lady Chlamydia?
You're not allowed to make that my permanent nickname.
I'm not wearing a bra, watching Netflix and eating gushers. I don't know a better way to spend a hangover.
You're dating a nurse! That's smart, you never know when you'll have a medical emergency. Probably liver failure.
my vagina is starting to think like a penis, and I'm not even slightly worried
Pretty sure i brought my phone charger to a booty call
Also I just took Ritalin with coffee so if anyone wants to know what numbers sound like, I got you
We had sex on a dog bed..
A to Z: fucking your way through the alphabet
It'll be a kids book
I'm wearing jeans from 7th grade and drinking a fucking macchiato. This better be a good day.
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