I can't go out tonight I need to save my money for important things.....like rogaine and ecstasy.
ugh. my friday night is playin' Farmville on my face. time to harvest the blackheads...
my shit smells like andre
I can't believe all I ate yesterday was half a turkey sandwich and 20 finger licks of exctasy.
just wokeup with my ethics textbook on my chest, animal crakers in my mouth and my dick in my hand. even aristotle doesn't have a theory for this one
I've never watched DWTS before, but this show's got Pamela Anderson, Erin Andrews and Brooke Burke: 3 of my top 10 all time most masturbated to women.
I've grown up since last year. I don't give blow jobs as birthday presents anymore.
well his nickname is liver of steel so it makes sense that his balls follow suit. tell him i say sorry
When he goes down on me, he stares me in the eyes like a shark mocking it's prey as it devours it. Plus, his beard smells like dirty gym socks. This has got to end.
I think there's a website warning girls about me based on the 4 who approached me separately tonight and called me evil. Fuckyoudave.com?
She hash-tagged my name. I think it's safe to say that she remembers our hookup.
Ladies and gentlemen, the only person I know who would keg stand in pearls and a bow.
Long story short I'm making an I'm sorry card for a girl I dont remember having sex with
They got mad when I cut the pizza with an x-acto knife. Oh well, more for me then.
P.s. There are few things I love more than brand new mascara and you are one of them.
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