dont quote avril lavinge. im to drunk.
It was like what a highfive between zeus and Jesus would sound like
and he thought i came like four times in 2 mins. my leg just kept cramping up
He had a stripper pole in his bedroom. I didn't know whether to be impressed or creeped out.
I'm 90% sure a girl here is wearing a bra strap as a headband.
I cant do that to my vagina yet. its my prize posession.
I just found a hunk of ham in my back jeans pocket from god knows when. We gotta stop going so ham.
An outback commercial just played and I remembered that guy from Australia Imade out with at the Derby. Great Bachelorette Party, btw.
I don't remember what you were saying to me in the bathroom. But whatever it was, yes, because i remember nodding a lot.
She loves introducing her friends to my foreskin.
Know anything about my roof collapsing last night?
Tequila.
Banana suit guy has an entourage and they're all douchebags. There is no god.
It's dollar drink night and I have my honors society initiation tomorrow. Somehow I think this will not end well.
I got with a bridesmaid and a server as well as put an $80 tab in rum and coke under the name Emerson Iglesias. Are you sure it wasn't my wedding?
The salt made it so good this margarita is touching my soul. I swear I'm not high BUT I want elote in a cup with the insides of a shrimp taco. I think that would make my life complete.
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