I'm just sayin u wanted to sleep after ur paper. I can make u sleep
My nephew just came out playing with my moms vibrator.
Come in. Grab a controller and a beer. We've got some Madden to beat.
You're the best girlfriend ever.
a pedometer??? no beatles?Steve jobs just took a dump in CA and it landed on my heart
So Jesus turned water into wine. So what? I once turned a whole student loan into natty light. Your move holy man.
Oh my god. Oh my god. Oh my god. I drunk emailed a professor on friday. Oh my god. Oh my god.
with your vagina and my liver, anything is possible
Nothing will ever prepare you for the moment when you are sitting on your friends bathroom floor with no pants on eating string cheese & pita at 2am.
I am the worst sexter. i actually told him .. if i had a penis, it would be hard right now. BTW thats a turn off.
He's holding a pee stick. Yes it's weird.
Best ethics paper a stoner could write. I called my professor Dr. Superfly Arandia. And I'm pretty sure I used "respect the hustle" somewhere in there too.
I tried to open a bottle of wine with toenail clippers last night. So this morning was obviously rough.
I met someone else! And I had a wonderful orgasm! And he wants to see me again, like take me out!
She gave me a boner for the first time in 9 years.
I just saw a cat, if i ate those mushrooms 15 minutes earlier i wouldn't have made it to the bar
Randomize
