i was born a porn star she said
you know how they say when you die, your whole life flashed before you? well do you get to see what happened all the nights you blacked out?
I'm officially my mother.. Smoking in the garage pretending to take the dog out in a big ugly jacket
Would you like me to write a persuasive essay on how you should let me suck your dick?
he said no sex till date three. i said the party was one, mcdonalds two and that i would take him with me to buy cigs for date three.
I don't think she can come out, she went too hard in the Intro to Theater Drinking Game at 2:30
It's not that I even wanna fuck these guys anymore, just cuddle that's all. My conscience has never been so proud.
Sometimes turtles just really trip me out man
I just took a service station dump so foul I had to buy gas out of guilt
well theres no bloody mary mix at the campus bookstore so i dont even know what its good for
Am I required to send a Christmas card to my fuck buddy?
You can't leave me alone in times of distress because I will fuck things 🙈😐
We told the cop that we were playing soccer, in flip flops, and 2:30 in the morning. It was raining and i had board shorts on. He bought it, lets go get drunk
So hungover that I might just sit in my car and wait until chipotle opens...in two hours...
We get up to three toppings. Dignity is not one of them.
Randomize
