At one point I was double fisting both beer & ice cream. I love public events in this town.
Hooking up with one of the deadbeat dads from Teen Mom does not qualify as banging a celebrity.
We thought you were crowd-surfing until we realized it was the bouncers throwing you out
yeah, I said "hi, I'm the creepy old guy at the college bar" and she said that she like mature men, wasn't expecting that line to work
I'm not so good at organized events that don't revolve around whiskey or playgrounds.
So the next three days will be henceforth known as the 'celebration of the end of the most irresponsible years of my life' be prepared to wake up naked in a ditch.
No, this place just freaks me out. Like I feel like ill get pregnant just being here. And all those pregnant bellies. It's weird.
At this point, just throw that mattresses away. Or bronze it and display it as a testament to your shame. either is good.
Yea not today, I ending up taking a shit behind a tree last night.
She asked what it would take for you to fuck her. You drunkenly mumbled, "pepperoni pizza" and then got in the cab by yourself. You were smiling too. It was weird.
new district manager is here. you need to come in early
5th mimosa says otherwise
I just realized now that you're pregnant we can't use alcohol as currency
Exactly best part of my night he took of his shirt and surprise traveler fanny pack
What drinking game we play yesterday? Fight club or something?
I think God is sending me all these 20 year olds to make up for wasting my 20's in that crappy ass marriage. Thanks Big Guy!
Randomize
