i want to give my vagina back to god and say no thank you
I wonder how many times I can be hungover in one day
There is a distinct lack of front teeth here.
apparently i told her i wouldn't press charges if she brought me food.
then he asked me if i wanted to "handle his wingman"
I'm trying to find candidates for my winter break hook up. I'm going to hold auditions thanksgiving break.
I wonder when walk of shame thursdays in the rain will finally make me stop drinking.
It's like your nipple is comforting my nipple.
Omg one side of my Labia is asleep. Has that ever happened to you?
I found out he put two potatoes in a jar because he wants to make his own vodka.
I'll be there with bells on. And by "bells" I mean "jäger bombs". And by "on" I mean "being poured down my gullet".
You went to a drug deal in a onesie.
He named his newborn baby after a character in the Hobbit and that is literally keeping me up at night.
So I got cockblocked by our relationship status last night
You invited these random guys into your apartment that you met in the hallway...& then you started screaming at them to get out cause you didn't know who they were.
Randomize
