i feel like my life has become an afroman song and idk whether i should be sad about that or not
i got so high last night i cried hysterically for like 5 minutes because i dont have any superpowers
Why is your signature on my underwear?
How can he have such a manly penis and baby hands?!
Agreed. And i highly doubt it could be awkward. You do remember our introduction was a direct result of you mentioning your affinity for my genitals, right?
listening to happy ending by mika while imagining him to run after me at an aiport in slow motion... also, dipping oreos in baileys. not taking this breakup well. at. all.
Just caught my dad doing coke in my bathroom again. Guess whose getting a new car for christmasss.
Math equation of the day: 4 waffles + 1 bowl of weed = 1 terrific nap
so it turns out the huge bruises on my knees are from drunk bmxing and not getting railed from behind on the ground
and ill have you know that I only wiped out twice
Just want to let you know thanks for setting the bar pretty low when it comes to girls.
I have someone saved in my phone as "This Hoe Ain'tit' Loyal" and I'm missing my superman boxers. Explain.
We cuddled after till the morning. Then he woke up sober... and straight.
Best day ever, my junk is bigger than Kate Uptons boyfriends. Yay for Fappening day!
its like i get a dick upgrade with every new guy i screw, at this rate i'm scared to see my next one
no offense but you looked like shit yesterday
tequila is unforgiving..
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