Houston.. we have a drinking problem..
i wish my apartment had room service that i didn't have to pay for.
You fed me milk from the beer bong because you thought it would "Sober you up" .
Today might be the day that I legitimately throw up in my saxophone.
The last thing I remember is ordering two Martinis while yelling 'CAN YOU PUT THAT IN ONE GLASS?'
U took a sewing needle to his nipple
Psshh,
You can't just call animal control when you're drunk because there is a bug in the shower.
Just fyi there is a naked girl somewhere in your house. I woke up and she was gone, definitely left her clothes tho
Only time and a comprehensive case study of all of your relationships will tell.
I mentioned the porn thing he mentioned a brother it all kinda just came together
She yelled out "MCDREAMY" mid orgasm
Yes, you can glue plastic eyes to my dick and take pictures while I'm asleep. If you tell anyone I said you could do that Ima fight you.
I got a gay guy to motorboat me. These tits could change the world, I'm telling you.
MASS TEXT: Next weekend I will be in town for St. Patty's day. There will be a bonfire and liqour olympics. We will have booze but in order to participate it is byob. Upon arrival everyone will be asked to sign a waiver. I am not responsible for liver failure, death, loss of clothing or memory, bites, scratches, hickies, pregnancies, or any other for of injury you may obtain while participating. There will be ridiculous amounts of green glitter, be prepared to puke it up. ALSO WEAR SOMETHING GREEN OR YOU WILL BE PENALIZED!! AUTOMATIC 5 SHOTS. HAPPY GAMING!!!
can I CTRL ALT DELETE this universe
Randomize
