never have i ever had a craving for dick this badly
i just farted in a meeting....took me completely by surprise.
so you made the shocked face and they caught you.
yup.
Don't put random dicks in your mouth or any other crevice for that matter... and i'm home in 30 seconds
Wish I got that text last night instead of this morning.
doing lines of blow through a tampon applicator in the study lounge at 7am so i can finish an italian composition that was due a week and a half ago...such a good student.
Oh my god. I opened up my microwave and there was a pile of bacon in it. It's like my mother knew I'd be hungover.
Yeah dude, it's amazing. Be careful though, that shit is really really intense. Like it's way more intense than normal shit...
I took two and feel like crushed diamonds spread over glazing marmalade
i just sent him like 8 different sexts and he texted me back about how good the hummus is that i left in his fridge.
It's end St Patricks day. I'm gonna need a leash. And a bib. And a rain check on anything considered dignifying.
You carried me up the stairs after I told you not to. And what did you tell me? "Let me test my strengths."
But I'll just tell people it was a bar fight... Sounds a lot better than "well I was drunk and alone and eating Special K naked in my bed"
dude girls our age are getting married and having babies and I still can't figure out how to defrost my hotpockets
My horseshoe mustache feels at home at this bar.
3 words: harry potter burlesque. My life is so much more awesome than yours right now.
Of course his mom thinks you're nice, she doesn't know you have sex for cheeseburgers
One time!! I like sex and food....
Sadly my Summer of Cocks is coming to an end
Randomize
