Hey I never found my wallet but i did find a bag of 14 soft taco supremes
I have your wallet. Trade you for the tacos.
You were wasted and fell in a pond when you met him, it's not like you were on top of your game
im hiding in a corner. drunk. with a plate of stolen jello shots. im pretty sure people are looking for me or the jello shots.
I've decided to be proactive and make a sex playlist on my phone to avoid any awkward moments in my upcoming slutty summer
When did you hit me on the head with a stool?
I was wearing my get used bookstore shirt when we fucked. Ironic yet appropriate.
Omg how many tall cans is too many tall cans for 1 pm
I really hope you didn't eat the bowl of melted vanilla ice cream I left on the coffee table. Because it is not melted vanilla ice cream.
Do you know how hard it is to give a bj in your dead grandmothers car
Dude, you got arrested and then texted 911 to tell them you'd been kidnapped with a screenshot of your current location.
Don't act like you're a victim to marijuana
she's p upset bro
Where is he. I have a sword.
I'm gonna watch porn and nap. I think I really have this Valentine's Day thing down
How awkward is it to have the guy you used to sleep with congratulate you on your engagement? I'll tell you. Very.
I just wanna fuck your brother. Sorry if thats a crime.
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