I would pay so much money for a video of you fucking a sheep
He made me cum so much, I almost let him spend the night. The operative word being "almost".
Theres a disney princess moonbounce on karen st. and I'm drinking beer at a little league field. this might end with me in jail.
You made a "martini" bagel. Took a bagel dunked it in vodka and put olives in it
The one wearing a viking helmet and holding a bottle of Smirnoff. She's laying on the floor of the tube singing "cant find my way home" . You can't miss her..
Tell me you didn't have sex with my dad.
So I was thinking for Halloween I'd do Dr. Jekyll and Mr. Hyde....for my vagina.
I'm missing my left shoe, and there's a note on my foot (in my handwriting) that says "HAHA BITCH" Any explanation for this?
did I ever tell you about my gay jesus theory?
They took the TVs out of the gym and the mini-Mart only had 2% milk. 2015 wants me to be fat
I just found a reminder in my phone to ask you about your sex life in 7 years. So how is that going?
I just realized that with the new snapchat update / emoji sticker thing I can now use easily use emojis to cover my boobs in nudes.
I called 911 when they kicked me out of the bar last night.
How did you end up breaking into that laundromat at 3am? I saw the snapchat but like..... How?
I'm sorry I get my lefts and rights confused because I'm dyslexic. But, it took you at least 15 minutes to figure out it wasn't your room OR YOUR HUSBAND.
Randomize
