SEEEEXXX PLEASE
I just feng shui'd our living room furniture. You may be mad in the morning
so apparently i worked out for over an hour last night. drinking is the only way i will ever get anything done
I want to see you in more than a weed delivering capacity
in light of our recent drunken behavior, i think it's time we seriously consider hiring ourselves a babysitter.
he's speaking broken english and calling me isaac.. this is not the australian i ordered for a one nighter
I don't know which part of you thought this was funny but it's fucked up to wake up in that much fluff and now we don't have a couch. Fuck you.
How am I so hungover that wearing sunglasses hurts my head?
You aren't going to like my movie choice because it's a Disney movie, but I am cordially inviting you to the couch for blowjobs.
His dick is so big it could be an arm rest.
I just had to explain to an 70+ year old lady what 'coitus' was. This was not in my job description.
At one point I yelled "THIS IS MY PENANCE FOR EVERYTHING I'VE DONE WRONG" and started saying Hail Marys
I have no idea what happened last night, but my pee is neon green.
I don't know why this person would ask for help. It sounds pretty OK to me. Also, I'd steal those bagpipes.
You went on the date? His pickup line was I swear I'm not a serial killer and you went on the date???
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