I am drunk raised to the nth degree. The possibility of getting sick is approaching infinity.
so he just left - touched my cheek like he was gona kiss me and then gave me a fist bump?
I walked into cold stone and the guy started preparing a supersized birthday cake remix for "Mrs. Munchies"
Tonight I think I'm going to go out with a french braid so I don't wake up with puke hair. Thoughts?
And your mom thought you weren't even thinking about your future... she would be proud
she said, "is it ok if I touch it?" that's when I knew I was in trouble... I knew she was a virgin but seriously..
It's either jizz or frosting, and either way, someone's being held accountable.
She was so adorably desperate I didn't have the heart to tell her I wasn't a lesbian. So now She's making waffles, may switch teams over this.
i've learned that i'm good at stealing things. like live cats.
Doubtful. That seems irresponsible. The 4th will kill you if you stopped drinking until then. Let's think logically.
Seriously! We need to take her a thank you note or something. She puts up with the drugs and the extremely loud sex. She deserves a thank you card.
DONT YOU DARE DIE YET THERE IS SO MUCH SEX TO BE HAD
You know how I said I hit my head so hard I saw two of him and tried to make out with both? Well, it turns out he has a twin.
Turns out he's just a recently divorced IT guy. Not a wizard.
I swear, I make more use of my creative writing major with sexting than I do with anything else
Kyle passed out in the tub after breaking a glass and shouting, "WHAT ASSHOLE GAVE ME A GLASS?" His girlfriend gave it to him...
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