Let's just be mature adults about last night and never speak of it again.
just fyi, hangover + ice skates = really bad idea
so i havent checked yet but im almost positive that my left ass cheek is bruised. any idea what happened last night.
what the fuck man? i was JUST texting you the same thing. FUCK
My own mom unfriended me on Facebook.
when you tell me you got me a birthday present, I have to assume it will show up in a drug test.
I smell like Captain Morgan and tears
I couldn't be mad. She was crying because she fell bare ass into the rose bush trying to pee. So I held her up mid-stream and she peed on my feet. No big
remind me not to fuck anymore half bald 20 year olds. because obviously there's attachment issues
Watching the dude who probably knocked me up be all cute with his girlfriend on my couch. I am too nice, and I hate today.
You are hereby uninvited from future Turnt Tuesdays until further notice.
I'm sending lingerie pics that I took yesterday. I fully prepared for this holiday
I think I've done enough damage with my vagina as of late, thank you
She was hammered and showed her gay best mate a pic of my cock, his response was "I fucked the wrong brother"
On a side note apparently my brother is gay
We saw the mini basketball hoop and unicycle and just knew we had to create a new sport
Drunk minds think alike
I've struck affair-gold. He's hot, he's ripped, he doesn't want a relationship, and most importantly he won't have to ask Gods permission to bang me like the last religious nut job did.
Randomize