Just saw my gyno in public. Weird to see her hands outside of my vagina.
Bleh. If he hadn't ascended into heaven and sat at the right hand of the father, Jesus would be rolling over in his grave right now.
does it bother you that i swallowed like millions of your unborn children
actually, i try not to think about it
and i pooped them out
Jack off faster Americas best dance crew is beyonce themed
It's 3am, i just got back from ht e bars and registered for classes larteeeeee. History of baseball at 8am? at least ill meet the only stragiht gusy at NYU!
Found a left over fake Olympic medal from our party last weekend. Awarded it to a random girl in the bar last night. Its the only thing she was wearing this morning when she woke up at my place.
also, just kill me. literally hit me with a vehicle, or an aircraft, something that will ultimately make me forget tonight.
Had the longest conversation today with a potentially homeless cuban woman about mind control.
That's just a really flattering way of saying, "Yes, you're useless, but you have great tits."
Just realized I'm going to have to make you sign a non-disclosure agreement before my wedding.
we're spending all day in bed drinking spiked eggnog and fucking
He just said Bill Nye is just a dude. If I ever considered sleeping with him, I never will now.
You're his holy grail. The moment he finally gets you to orgasm he'll probably just retire and become a monk.
He ate me out while watching Fifty Shades of Grey---needless to say I'm locking this down
I'll be naked. By 11. Then arrested. Drunk tank adventures
Randomize
