I hope I'm pregnant just to spite you.
I know the scar will be in an obvious place, that's why I'm certain it'll score me cancer blowjobs
All we did was argue about ponys and drug dealers
Yeah, but there's no serving sizes for dick.
I think as far as last words to bitter ex girlfriends go, "enjoy that staph infection youre about to get in your uterus" is right up there with the best
Text me when you wake up so I know you're ok. It's really worrisome to get home at this hour and find 3 men passed out in my room but no you. Love you, goodnight. :-)
Adderal just makes me love life. I want to do so much. I just can't stop thinking about all the wonderful opportunities we have and how lucky we are and I want to make a difference in the world. I just have to reign in my brain and convince it that changing the world starts with a college degree, which depends on studying for these finals.
We didn't talk. I watched you drop an egg on the floor. And watched you praise your haunted broom.
Well for number 40 i would prefer to at least like the guy attached to the dick
Thanks for fucking me in last night
TUCKING. TUCKING ME IN LAST NIGHT
The closest I'll come to committing is leaving sex toys at their house
also I was promised more toga parties by popular media
I'm excited for him and his new girlfriend. I'm just going to miss his penis is what I'm saying.
He's nice and all but I think I rather masturbate my way to happiness instead.
It’s easy for me to be professional, the tough part is finding the perfect amount of bitchy undertone
Randomize
