Well you will be happy to know that aaron carter hit on me
Do you ever close your eyes when your having sex with your girlfriend and pretend she didn't get fat after high school?
How do I recover from singing "your body is a wonderland" on his voicemail?
So, apparently, "i expected your penis to be bigger" isn't good pillow talk.
Just did my hair and make up at mcdonalds so we're in the same boat.
Worst night here by far. And ive slipped in my own piss so thats saying something
He called his prostate his "boner button".
So im on with some ukrainian stripper for a vodka tasting tomorrow. If I die tell my family im awesome
You said you were going to take the sideview mirror to your own car so that nobody would steal it. Thats why you woke up with it.
I mean I don't object to weird looking penis as long as it gets the job done. I just need to get it in. I'm gonna be humping chairs soon.
I paused mid sex to tell him I wished I'd taken up barrel racing so I could ride better.
This is a mass text. First one to reply gets head.
Before anyone claims this, this chick is in my boyfriend's phone as "Worst BJ EVER!"
Does that mean you're calling dibs or can I?
I'm like, not good at living.
I think i should either cut my hair or buy a dildo.
Drunk purchased a negligee, plan b, keds and Himalayan salt shot glasses.. there’s only one reasonable purchase there, and we both know it’s not the sneakers
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