You admitted to me in secrecy that you want to jerk off a unicorn.
So I used to make fun of texas a lot, then I got here and I found a place where I could get my tequila in a to go cup with a straw and I realized that this is the only place I ever want to be
i made the cop pinkie-promise not to arrest me if i failed the breathalizer.
i told him im from Canada, abortion is free
He told me he was ok to drive home. Then I found him face-planted in the parking lot.
she must of just birthed a child cause her labia touched the floor
They turned the water off again. Brushed my teeth with whats left from those pitchers of mojitos. So hung over i dont even care.
I have now slept with people from more countries than Ive actually visited. Can we make this a game somehow? Like foreign fuck buddy bingo?
No, trust me. Falling down the stairs is a fucking sobering experience.
He has pizza coupons and a hammer next to his toilet.
I thought I was smashed last night but the girl trying to pee in the fridge had me beat. True story.
Hey, met you at the bar last night. You probably dont remember my name. You and your friends came back to my place, you shattered my window with your fist then dipped. Your gonna need to pay for that.
Thats where this cut came from! Thanks for piecing together the puzzle dude.
all I know is this drummer better stop eye fucking me while he plays cowbell. it is way too early for that.
there is a smiley face on my leg painted in blood
I'm pretty sure that's yours.
I love everything about him! His penis, his hair, his tattoos, his penis, his cat, his penis.
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