She's JV to your varsity
I even made an effort to dress like a conservative young lady who doesnt black out and throw up in her bed regularly today.
we do all of our sexting over chat on words with friends, so my boyfriend doesn't know about it when he looks at my texts.
Legitimately semi-blackout across the table from the governor off a chardonnay i can't even pronounce.
i was beyond wasted so he tucked me into bed and wrapped the blankets around me like a burrito. then gave me a bloody mary and an omlet when i woke up. and who says living with your cousin is a bad thing?!
therea a video of her dad walking in while i screamed "lets have a fashion show!" and fell off the table
My middle name is suave and my vagina shoots rainbows, what else would you expect?
Tried to make hash outta one of those keurig machines. I don't know why. Maybe the drunkenness, but now I have mushy bud and no ganja
I fell into a police barricade, a cop helped me up and asked if I've been drinking. I just looked at him and said "dude.." He proceeded to take out his handcuffs
I AM A HOUSE CAT. I CANNOT DO THIS LION BUSINESS WE CALL THE SINGLE LIFE
Cleaning my room at 2am, in just one corner I found six beers, half a pint of whiskey, my flask, 2 shotgun bullets, my crown and shimmer lotion.
the bartender goes "wow its so good to see you sober" and gives me a hug
...Just hit my fuck buddy with my car.
How can I prove that I give 401k advice and not handjobs?
You went into my bathroom put on my bathrobe.. Said excuse me then went in my front yard and started yelling who ate my whopper..
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