Whssdazt areerg yiu up to? U thijk ur lame!
read your last text- its a foreign language-im not ignoring you, easyyy
I just saw a Kleenex commercial and thought about last night. I'm sorry about your hair.
You'll be proud of me
Who did you not have sex with
Damn it...you know me too well
i was focused on more important things... like standing, and not spilling my beer
Just facebooked the guy whose name you're yelling in there. So you're aware, his interests include "swearing at babies" and "Ice luge"
Some are given great drunkenness. Others have great drunkenness thrust upon them, in the form of ice storms.
I'm pretty sure there was a language barrier but he knew what "harder" meant.
Why is there bacon braided in my hair
The last time I thought I had a UTI, I ended up having herpes. Sooo.. This time in preparing myself for cancer or death.
I didn't know your ex looked like a male Khloe Kardashian?
I'm in his bed. I got up to puke. Im one eyeing it eating a hot dog bun. Wtf. This is my life
I responded like every reasonable adult would. With a gif
The beauty of getting kicked out of college again is I can fuck my professor's brains out and she can't get fired now
After we won that round of beer pong you attempted to swallow the winning ball whole claiming you had the mouth and jaw of a snake.
A snake? I must've been gone...
After that you got naked and hissed at people the rest of the night..
Who knew removing piercings would be so radical?
Randomize
