Seriously, stop being so datable w your movie/song prefs
I'm so turned on right now it's fucking stupid. I hate burger king commercials
He made a note in his iPhone tonight so that he would remember that I rejected him.
He called my vagina a rainforest. This is coming from a guy whose pubes are longer than his dick.
i don't care if its just a preseason game, my pick up a guy and suck him off in the bathroom skills are in midseason form
is it possible i asked you to give me a preliminary pap smear?
I feel like a food baby is going to burst from my stomach and eat all the leftovers until another food baby rips out of its stomach. And so on. It's truly a merry Christmas.
But Alex is drunk in Philly and I told him to come see me so that's "first-love,-drunk,-high,-and-it's-a-snow-day-hook-up-with-an-ex" points. 69
Those two lesbians inspired me. A whole new way to roll. Fuck shots. Gallons of vodka is the new tequila.
He tells me he loves me and I say I just want him for sex, then he looks at me like I just said I hate puppies. What kind of guy is he?
I don't care if he got kidnapped by a cult one time he is a dick
Yeah I mean once a gun is being waved around, its probably a good time to leave the party
But the music was sooo good
I know you're on a date and I should leave you alone but about twenty minutes ago I realized I haven't been spanked in years so if you're still looking for a birthday present, you know, consider it.
I went to an 8am hookup in another guys sweatpants. Who is the really player here?
Also so weird my phone cracked after I repeatedly threw it at the ground as hard as possible
Randomize