and we just had intercourse last night so i'm exhausted, fucked up on adderol, emotionally broken and just pissed
i woke up to my roommate spraying cooking spray on my legs. fourth time this has happened. not cool.
I had forgotten what it was like to go to all four classes. It's exhausting.
he's gonorrhea incarnate
The woman in the hospital bed next to me just got diagnosed with flea bites on her vag.
Whaaaaaat? No way.
Now a discussion of pigs vs. dog as carrier.
I borrowed a glass of wine. And the bottle. Your cat said it was ok
I recommend we watch the Super Bowl together and have celebratory sex if we win. Good news is I don't have a team I dislike so were guaranteed a win.
I'm not leaving my family to go to a strip club on good friday.
I slept with a Brazillian Man, That's why I'm Watching The World Cup
I woke up with a dick pic from the ex-Mormon via email. Not really what I wanted to see before my first cup of coffee this morning, but I gotta say, I'm impressed.
Getting blackout drunk infront of my family was never on my bucket list, but now that I've done it I'm cool with it.
I farted in the parking garage and it echoed.
You stocked up?
No actually didn’t get a chance. If you wouldn’t mind bringing me a brownie and a bottle of Jameson that’d be nice
Legit hope my Trump humping Brother dies of this shit so I can stop pretending to still love him.
His wife found the thong I “forgot” in his glovebox
Randomize
