There's a hobo dancing by himself. Is anyone going to ask how he got in the house?
On a positive note, new entry in my phone as 'HOT ASS, DOWN TO FUCK'. idk if its a boy or girl tho.
Update, its a couple
You never go ass to mouth. That's quite possibly the most important rule Paramedic school has taught me.
I took a shit in your bathtub. Nothings off limits
So i know you wont get this until you land, but if i'm late its cause i was having sex. being blunt and hope that explains things.
Sending me a thank you card for letting you fuck my sister was completely inappropriate
Sorry for my penis texting you last night, I can't control what he wants at 4am.
It's like god touched my soul and said 'you will be great in bed'
We found her on the doorstep. Just layin down going, "I made it home!! Aren't you proud??!"
I made out with my former step mother's best friend. Only knew the connection when they both showed up together at the bar.
It was just a Craigslist hook up but she wore sweats. Where are the girls with class?
I learned a very valuable lesson tonight...don't touch a cops tazer
Dude. I need you to practice dancing around in your banana hamock. Party boy style. I'll call later with details.
THAT BEAUTIFUL FACE AND HEAVENLY LIGHTING IS NOT HELPING THE NOT DEAD POINT HOW DO I NOT KNOW YOU ARE NOT TEXTING ME FROM THE AFTERLIFE
The after life smells like latex gloves and hand soap
She started crying, nearly punched a guy, started smoking multiple cigarets backwards and broke the slide on her bong. Why do I always end up babysitting the crazy ones?
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