Drunk x Brooklyn = problems getting home. If I don't make it you can have my computer and my bitches. You're welcome.
Oh please, I could turn a Vienna Boys Choir concert into a shit show
Gentleman, we have a new medal category - number of women per day in apartment WITHOUT FURNITURE
The police scanner is talking about you again....
So basically our separate showers turned into one shower, to save water, which turned into a bath, which turned into sex on the bed, which turned into drinking beer in the bed, and thats what the stain is from... bud light. sorry.
where are you?
Hypothermia
I want "hickeys on my ass" sex
There is a pile of hair outside the apartment next door. At least now I know what all that shouting was about last night.
He only likes me when I'm naked and I don't like being around him clothed. It's the perfect relationship.
I can't tell if I'm getting better at doing my online spanish hw drunk or if my teacher is just grading on creativity. Either way that senoritas gettin an applebees gift card when i graduate.
I can not say for certain that I did not blow someone in the bathroom at the bar at some point.
Almost ran over girl selling candy bars for charity. Pretty much obligated to buy at that point.
Halfway through the blowjob she stopped and said 'Wait I know this dick'.
I woke up wearing my panties and an eyelash, soo I'd say your birthday was a success.
Seriously insulted!! You can not share my dick pick with your gay brother. He won't quit poking me on fb
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