the young, male pastor of my church has a jesus fish tramp-stamp. I made him show me.
Gordon Ramsey's restaurant in NY is $150 each for the chef's menu
So you're taking me there this weekend?
oh, looks like he just opened a new restaurant right by us- it's called "McDonald's". Must be scottish food.
He just washed his hands with scrubbing bubbles yelling "They work hard so I don't have to!"
my phone calendar just alerted me that it's "weed time" in 15 minutes. do not remember setting that alert last night...
We'll probably be arrested for having a cheetah in our apartment anyway, so I say go for it.
we found you outside the hotel room sleeping with a note next to you that said " we made sure you were comfortable, hope your friends come back soon"
Just in case you were wondering..... I really did just wave goodbye to you with my penis.
she was literally 3 feet away from the garbage can, said she couldn't make it, and then proceeded to vomit on the floor in front of everyone in the restaurant
she asked me where ive been her entire life and the guy in the room next to us yelled "with other women bitch!"
Turns out the guy I peed on gave me a ride back to my dorm this morning.
You are a god.
btw im having a "its finally warm enough for a bbq in Toronto" party tonight. bring all the alcohol you have. and hamburger buns.
I feel like I owe her child an apology or something after blowing my load on the tattoo she has of her.
You offered the police officer a Snickers ice cream bar and cried when he wouldn't take it...
No no this isn't that fun. I'm alone drinking wine and me and the dogs ran out of things to talk about around 9 am.
Pretty sure I was naked for most of the night.....success
Randomize