i half slept with him but i still dont owe you any money
I've decided to sign up for a porn membership, but it's 10:30 and I'm going to wait an hour an a half because I don't want to waste a whole day of my month long membership. Fuck this economy.
Two girls I have never met just thumb wrestled to decide who gets to make out with me.
i will be the first lesbian to ever fail women's studies.
We stole a cat. That is all you need to know.
The guy in the next stall screamed courtesy flush and then puked. Bless you Vegas
The salesman looked at me like I was crazy when I explained the need for a headboard that had slats so I could handcuff people to it
Rub those nipples and moan like a platypus.
Jesus, are you hammered?
Hammered for that juicy ass. I'll bring the straws.
So coach him. No guy wants to admit being unsure of something in bed. It's a man-law or something.
I put tequila in my salad dressing yesterday. Step the fuck up.
my drivers license is super glued to my shoulder and im to hung over to get it off come and help me
Was there a condom involved? Because he was saying he wanted a kid. Repeatedly.
It's a good thing my liver is flexible because a lesser man would be dead
The convent might be a nice break from real life
I just gave a fucking twenty minute blowiob.. I'm a GOOD girlfriend.
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