but i really can't criticize. i blacked out waaaaaay ahead of schedule.
Just turned rock'em sock'em robots with my little cousin into a drinking game. Im drinking bourbon hes drinking hot chocolate.
If there was a god I would have a big mac right now, but i don't
That combination of brocholi bacon eggs cheese ketchup and pasta would have been a revaltion had you not thrown up on the stove and put out the pilot light
Now accepting hypotheses about how i managed to get a bruise between my boobs....
I never thought the first time a taser would be used on me would be at an applebees
I threw up in the bar parking lot and yelled THIS IS MY FUTURE.
Blasting venetian snares and drinking a beer. I love being an adult. It's like being a child but with beer for breakfast, better music, and no one yells at you.
I don't think she can come out, she went too hard in the Intro to Theater Drinking Game at 2:30
If you go to Tinseltown tonight. First bathroom on the left, second stall. Avoid. It's still coming to terms with what I did to it.
We watched the first ever season of SNL and fucked for so long. He accidentally punched me in the face, but I mean, John Belushi was the background noise of our sex. I can deal with it.
I was so ripped I had a natty light box over my head carrying a spray bottle out in the streets trying to give car washes.
The cop let us off with a warning because I had more Twitter followers than he did. The future is terrifying.
Would you by any chance know if there is a proper protocol for traveling with one's vibrator? I wouldn't want the TSA to rip open my suitcase in front of my boss.
I have a bag of frozen peas on my vagina. If you want to talk about real problems.
Randomize
