I'm 99% sure that for 3 hours I thought you were British. We must smoke that again.
The second he texted me with "*dry humps you!*" I knew any relationship we might have had was over.
I fucked the bump it out of her hair. just had to let everyone know.
Some asshole just brought BK into my summer class, im already high as hell, i did not need another way to not pay attention
This is a dangerous game of "whose life is more pathetic".
No but the chipped one is crooked now. Clearly I didn't use my hands to break my fall. I used my face
As usual, I had to fight him for his car keys. Though this time he made it to the valet garage. All the Hispanic attendants gathered around and watched. Felt like I was in a cock fight.
Okay. So my choices are the sleeping Guy who looks about twelve and a man that looks like he was the original sandman. Im gonna need a beer for this......
All I vaguely remember from last night is getting up on that nice mahogany table and debating about squirrel's rights
I was afraid someone would drug test my pants so you set them on fire.
I'm floating on a 30mph cloud right now not giving a fuck
Ugh it's 2016, why can't our bodies just shed fat on their own
It was a good dick. I give credit where credit is due. A good dick deserves praise.
Drank vodka clubs for 6 hours last night. Holy shit just realized that.
My cats name is now jello shot. How much do you love me right now?
Randomize