I'm being pulled over???
For what!?!?!
??? I'm in a cab!!!!!
I just told my sister I love her. I'm in no condition to drive.
I can't believe i facilitated a beer for sweater vest deal last night...
Im drunk with people I love less than you. fix it.
Just call Katie. She's like the drunk whisperer; she can get them to do anything.
Drinking, I should not. Got here I don't know. Still drunk, I am. At courtneys.
Lol, you asked the waitress to box up someone else's discarded food last night
I think I'm a wingman for every guy who bangs a girl I scarred in highschool.
Lets just put it this way. Im meeting his nana after a mind blowing orgasm.
No dude. I can't think of anything LESS sexy than yodeling
I mean like, I missed 30 minutes of star wars to fuck you on Christmas so you must be worth something
i guess i fuck people who own bucket hats so i can't talk shit
No one knows how to work that "I pulled a muscle in my leg" drunk swagger like you can
Um, just removed my insulin from the fridge so that I could fit our case in there. Tell me, who has their priorities straight? THIS GIRL.
I was just told I’m pretty enough to be a catfish. This made me so happy...
Randomize
