dude, that girl smelled worse than the great depression.
the liability waiver did not state that i couldn't bring my bottle of wine in the bouncy castle. it did Not.
Fuck morning classes. Fuck early work. Fuck anything in the morning that doesn't involve sleeping, sex or bacon.
He's pole dancing on a heat lamp.
Stealing vibrators from Walmart together was when I realized you'd be my Maid of Honor.
she just convinced the cop to buy us ice-cream sandwiches. best/worst stoned experience ever.
Thanks again for allowing my sister to lose her virginity on your bed.
Aaaand my life has been reduced to whether I can reach to flush my puke down the toilet using my foot. The answer is yes.
tried doing a cartwheel after 10 beers. Guess who has a dislocated shoulder.
nothing like smoking out of your roommate's bong with your mom to celebrate the rising of christ
he is risen halelujah
I just bought us acid. I'm like the drug tooth fairy. Get ready to wake up with a sweattart of acid under your pillow.
Last night you said you were going to stop drinking and then proceeded to dip cookies in your vodka.
Sadly that explains a lot.
Last night was like blooper reel sex. He dropped me!!
so the casino kicked my ass last night, i'm pretty sure i hit a new level of hungover....just showered with my sunglasses on because the bathroom light is too bright
How do you feel about a threesome?
Will you be there?
I'm the one asking!
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