Tell him to shut up cuz i said so. I lost my dollar shoe :(
He said I was the smartest girl he had ever dated, that should have been a sign from the beginning
buying my parents vodka for Christmas is like buying a normal person socks.
I've awoken at 3am again, in a night terror, just thinking about how big his dick was.
Standing in front of the open refrigerator with a 3/4 empty bottle of wine eating Bac-o's from the jar, topless. Somebody really should've taught me better coping skills.
If I don't have carpet burn in the morning you aren't trying hard enough.
I just farted a soft, gentle fart and it made me think of the eye puff glaucoma test at the eye dr. I hope that's not fart air they use for those. And yes, I'm texting you from the toilet and yes again, I'm high.
Tequila Tuesdays need to not carry on throughout the week. Having a sad Saturday
There's a lady lying down on the sidewalk in front of our building smoking a cig
Guess who's the proud owner of her very own foxtail butt plug!!
Called my house today and my 10 year old brother answered and asked if I was still in jail
is buying liquor on my lunch break too aggressive?
And speaking of good acting I may have a sex tape now
my gyno just used the expression "dick around." too far?
Campus scavenger hunt! and by scavenger hunt I mean all the pharmacies are sold out of Plan B.
Randomize
