Guess who has two thumbs, loves booze, and just dug half a handle of rumb out of a trash can in a freshmen dorm? This classy gentleman. Good day to you sir!
wouldve been great, if we lived in constant slow motion cause that shit lasted 30 seconds and half the time he was putting on the condom
He finally told me that he's married. I guess it doesn't really matter.
well when do great stories at the expense of people's relationships become a bad thing?
she found me naked passed out on the toilet and i just kept repeating "i'm like elvis, but not dead."
the only sentence i could make out from her was "i will wash these herpes away"
Good idea. You gotta take care of your vagina. She takes care of you. Pay it forward.
I can feel my teeth in 4 dimensions. I shouldnt be this high at 8 in the morning.
Sex should not remind me of how baby birds get fed
I'd just like to inform you. That when I was at bvj the first day I was blackout drunk by noon. Get on past Chelsea's level like now. Do it for present Chelsea
I was the oldest, shortest, and soberest at the New Years party last night. My life sucks
idk he wanted to trade sex for a triple order of hashbrowns
AND YOU SAID NO?????????
i came so much i feel like i were to try again, only dust would come out. and maybe glitter
So learned a new trick last night.... Taking body shots from my own tits... Mom would be so proud
My boss couldn’t find her phone so she asked me to call it and when I found it the screen said Fuck Toy was calling. I’m very much okay with this
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