Best porno line to date...."drinks are on me..." while she female ejaculates into a wine chalice
after we finished, she said she had been a backup performer for Cirque du Soleil. THAT flexible.
you started texting yourself and saying they were "divine messages from heaven" then you threw up on stacie's piano.
I guess I'm in a committed relationship. We just had shot 1 of 3 of Gardasil. I'm now dead inside.
They said I was more of a mess than the German. I have achieved the unachievable, you may bow down to me
My aunt comes over, haven't seen her in 4 years. First thing, looks me up and down and goes "...yup, that pair ripened nicely. Theyll get you some free drinks"
I think you were raised by the wrong sister
Woke up with a text saying "when I get to see them titties again lil ma??" With 8 beads around my neck & an empty bottle of vodka in my arms.
It's Friday the 13th and you just got boned by a guy named Jason....
Nothing says I love you as your fiancé bringing back home your drunk brother from his own stag party
If that orgasm indicates how the rest of the year is going to go, I need to buy rain boots.
Don't take advice from me. I'm simultaneously shitting and eating cheesecake.
Xanax and full house Tuesday is now Percocet Sunday
I'm pretty sure that cute cop drove me home. Especially since I found his card in my purse.
she's always on high-alert for lesbians
the next morning his mother came in to tell me that she made breakfast. she told me to put my clothes on too. awkward.
Randomize
