peeing in bathroom at penn station and the homeless man next to me is combing his beard with a fork...god I love new york
Go to google and type XXX
.......Is that how you look for porn?
Is masturbating to pics of your ex on Facebook considered cheating?
You are proof that most things are best left unsaid.
puking up blue gatorade is not as nearly as much fun as it sounds
doing shots has become such a natural thing to me that i just instinctively swallowed listerine
Oh god. It's my first day here, I'm still drunk and somebody just drifted in a forklift. I'm going to die.
Reading in my econ of energy textbook about the US' largest oil spill from the 1990's.. guess i can't sell this one back either
He woke up, mumbled "silverware", and went back to sleep
It's not that he's ugly its just that being blind folded makes everything less awkward
Remind me to tell you a really funny story about me and arson.
Drinking loves me for WHO I am
I will kick you in all of your body parts. All at once.
Isn't it my whole life blown into this perfect spoon shaped piece of melted and artificially colored sand?
Wow.
Wait.....I ate a raw potato lastnight.
She couldn't find her toothbrush so I had to wait while she sucked on the 12 peppermints she found under the couch. Pretty resourceful for her level of intoxication.
Randomize