Bt dubs, I still have cuts on my arm from when you attacked me with a dildo on Saturday night.
we should become lesbians. not together. just in general.
Best morning ever. I saw a bum giving another bum a blowjob downtown.
I didn't take her seriously until she snorted that ramen noodle flavor packet...
She needs to learn she only fits into our friendship as a DD.
Found you in the bushes with fireworks, a teacup and no shoes. Decided it was a bad time to wake you.
she looks like she scalped a horse for her weave
On the way home she put on a necklace with her name on it and wrote my name in sharpie across my chest so that in the morning we could avoid the awkward Idk who the fuck you are conversation. Best. Girl. Ever.
My drunken abilities have only improved since college....I can navigate the streets of chicago like no ones business, do push-ups to hail a taxi and instantly become an mma fighter after 3 shots of hennessy
Who are these men, what are we doing here, how is this helping us toward our goals of sex and pasta? Things to consider.
Again? Most people check out of hotels, they don't escape from them
HE GAVE ME ONE OF HIS BEERS.
YOU'RE THE CHOSEN ONE.
You are a super loving wife. But did you, at any point since Thanksgiving, slip me half your bottle of stool softeners?
its 11:20. i'm drunk in class flying paper airplanes for my final. what the fuck is my college experience right now?
u ever get horny for food. i ordered a bunch of crepes and its doin it 4 me
Randomize
