mark looks like s**t tonight! thank da lawd we broke up!
it's mark...i'm guessing you didn't mean to send that to me...
i literally forgot his name and just started calling him "waffles"
How do I put "special brownies" into Weight Watchers?
She had a little wicker basket of condoms by her bed. Disturbing yet convenient.
i just sold back the books i vomitted on
For future reference, Twizzlers CAN leave welts.
I've decided that my night was probably over when I started eating the penne vodka with my hands.
Oh I was gonna ask you the same thing...? It's official ask anyone to see your husbands dick day.
our relationship was basically a one night stand, with a three week long, morning after
I just screamed IM THE CHUPACABRA and jumped on his dick. I need to evaluate my life choices.
I need a light and a towel. ive got cum in places ive never had cum before.
time to play the game of how much Christmas shopping I can get done before these shrooms kick in
I still don't understand if he's using me to write his resume or if we're dating
So I almost broadcasted the porn from my phone to the boardroom chrome cast
K. The dog and I are outside. The Uber driver said "I hope he fucks the shit out of you"
Randomize
