I feel like if im whacking off more now that i have a gf than i did when i was single, somethings wrong.
Spotted: jayne dropping her cigarettes in a puddle...then picking them back up and putting them in her pocket. If i ever get that desperate, stop talking to me
It's just like soggy cereal, but cancerous
So... 5th graders can't whisper for shit, but apparently I have an awesome rack.
Haha. Niice.
Yeah, I didn't know whether to be shocked or flattered.
both.
That bus ride was like a tour of all the bushes I puked behind last night
I love memorial day. It's drinking in the name of patriotism. God Bless America
Too lazy to get out of my bed thats 2 feet away from you. Are you sure youre alright?
We attempted to microwave fifteen corndogs in the microwave and may have ruined it. Also there were fake mustaches on all of his appliances...he said he doesn't like drunk me.
Just so were clear I meant the head your face is on
However today I got my lube that might I add was dripping out of the box. I'd like to think my mailman was mixing business with pleasure.
I couldn't tell if they ere dancing or fucking but they won the costume contest
I just wanna say I did some math and I lasted 1,052,000 more minutes than you at the bar before I got kicked out. That's 729 days. Bitch
Do I lose at life if I cry in a grocery store while buying a pregnancy test?
i thought you were just a really comfy body pillow until i sobered up. oops.
i fell out of the car and didnt spill my drink. come overrrr
truly a win in your book
I'm only fucking women born in the 90s this summer
Randomize
