How do you know one of your one night stands hasn't produced a child? You may have hundreds of kids.
Pretty sure I don't. One night stands are purely anal..no exceptions.
i forgot to tell you that olivia sent me a text yesterday that the mormon girl got caught with weed in her vagina at school
we just watched the ball drop on the spanish channel. best mistake of my life.
I told you I was good to drive
dumbass I drove... you sat in the passengers seat and steered with a paper plate
She just kept tellin me God was coming back and he was leavin her with a bag of stale doritoes and shitty friends.
Until last night, I had never actually thrown up ON a sandwich
I just typed in random letters on his address bar... 5 out of the 6....a porn site was in the drop down list hahahahaha get a life bro.
but you were the sluttiest panda there and you need to embrace it
I just scored a new eye doctor and a date all in one email. BOOM!
STOP HOOKING UP WITH SOCCER MOMS! YOU ARE RUINING MY REPUTATION!
Can't we just go back to fucking and having your boyfriend think you're completely straight?
Dude I just clenched/unclenched my hindquarters while looking in the mirror I have fucking talent
Why r u in my phone under "the last survivor"?
I wrote life affirmations on my notes to repeat and read several times a day so I become a better person, see the time on the toilet has been constructive
Actually, my eyes didn't start bleeding until the next day. So it was a pretty awesome night overall.
Randomize
