glad you had fun, i did too. am rubbing aloe on my butt now.
oh my god. my mom just found my pipe. she thought it was a dildo.
like i said, there should be a sitcom about your family.
we made margaritas with slurpies from 7-11 and beer.
I was so drunk that I didn't realize he was staying at the Waldorf. I walk of shamed the Astoria, do you even know what this means?
When the officer tried to stop you, you just shouted your name in his face. repeatedly.
Currently emptying half-full wine bottles from fridge into my mouth and refilling with water for later. Drunk survivalist recycling!
the evidence from last night is not good...
what evidence?
my underwear is on inside out, and there are french fries in my hair...
Note to self, stop going out with self absorbed bisexuals
Another development in my life...I think I pulled a muscle in my neck from vomiting this weekend.
So like if I threw up in my purse is that "don't ever show your face in public again" worthy or just slightly frowned upon
I just got a voicemail from some strange woman with a Russian accent. Are you ok?
I PUT IT IN THE UNIVERSE THAT I WANTED TO STAB HIM AND THEN SOMEONE DID! KARMA IS A BITCH AND SHE IS BEAUTIFUL!
You put THAT much Jager in me and expect me to realize when things are a bad idea?
They weren't kidding when they said "Go Army Strong." Best sex I ever had.
I am going to bedazzle the shit out of your Basilisk costume.
Randomize
