I am I'm going to have heart failure he's peed on my life.
i just drank a strangers drink off a toilet
Not only did I hold your hair back as you puked, i french braided it. I am such a great friend.
trying to figure out who visited the hillshire farms website enough for it to be in my top sites.
it's already thursday and i haven't gotten drunk yet...something's not right.
I don't have any food so I made a martini so I could eat the olives. Don't tell me I can't think outside the box.
I vomited in the sink and my bra was in there...I don't even have words to describe this hangover confusion
I'm gonna have to fantasize about her dying just to get off.
What's the rule on cocaine before dinner?
Its 11 o'clock somewhere
I would seriously fuck her so hard, her contacts would pop out of her eyes.
She said we "made love." I had to explain to her that when both parties agree that the first time time they have sex both people agree to video tape the whole thing its not "making love" but more like random good time fun sex.
I'm stoned as hell watching the new Star Trek movie. My life is 110% better than it was an hour ago.
I feel like there should be a 'roommate information section' of the paperwork when there's a chance you'll be given pain killers.
Why were u walkin around mc with a toilet bowl lid handcuffed to u and carrying a stuffed Teddy bear last night?
Let’s be real here. NOTHING says Real Adulting like rolling a J on your line of credit paperwork.
Randomize
