he just texted me two pictures of his dick. i feel i should rethink whatever vibe im obviously giving out
so is it as big as he says?
he put a tube of toothpaste next to it as a reference. it looks legit
I can't believe you made out with me with a french fry in your mouth.
What. The. Fuck. No, you will not spank me.
That wasn't intended for you, my bad.
I just want you to know I tipped the cab driver $10 last night because I felt bad that he didn't have healthcare.
Hurricane my ass. I'm riding a god damn kayak down the flooded highway if it's the last god damn thing I do, god damnit.
I made out with a guy because he was sitting on my coat...
Only once have I found myself in the condom aisle holding a bundt cake...
This is a sacred holiday in the land of the free! I do what I want!
I'm considering having a threesome with my friend just so I can sleep with his boyfriend and not feel guilty about it.
apparently when a guy says "if there's anything missing in your life, I will provide" he's not expecting attractive lesbians to be the answer.
Hurry up I'm getting mooned by a hobo
Damn it. If you ever throw me again, take video.
I'm glad he doesn't have a bigger dick because he'd just use it for evil anyway
I'm glad I date someone who likes the simple things. Sex, kittens, and McDonald's.
I just found my phone after looking for it since yesterday afternoon it was in the fridge.
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