Did you see 7 ppl got hurt at Talladaga?
Did they get their mullets stuck in an engine?
i saw the 3rd guy i ever had sex with last night and kept calling him #3
Just did free shots of tequila at a walmart. Hello Mexico
It was kind of like a train wreck, except alcohol would have improved the situation greatly.
Woke up in my underwear and Christmas sweater. Only. Eggnog has won the battle but not the war.
You were so drunk you decided to go out of the car window instead of using the door, once you realized what you had just done you said fuck it and went back in through the window
I apparantly wanted to name her baby garbage
either i huffed spraypaint or ate out that makeup artist. you decide.
So I'm dropping a fat deuce at work, and the lock on the stall door slips and the door slides open, when suddenly someone comes in. Now I have two options, I can either get up quickly and try to shut the door quickly (not easy to do with one hand) or I can just sit there and play it off like it's no big deal and I always dump at work with the door open. I chose option two, and it was as awkward as it sounds.
My walk of shame turned into having to get his dad to tow my best friends car out of the snowbank in his driveway
Things that have happened since you moved: Lemmy, Bowie, Snape, Prince, civility, democracy, Carrie Fisher, all dead. Record flooding down here. Twice. This is clearly your fault.
she stuffed her marc jacobs purse full of cereal
classy
I'm currently drunk proofing my room
I'm very disappointed that your kitten almost ate my weed cake...
My liver has officially said "fuck this shit" and escaped from my body.
Randomize
