I met the friendliest cop last night
When I was her age, Pluto was still a planet... but i said what the hell
We'll see haha. The cum didn't work...I just chewed the whole thing in a day.
I hope you meant gum...
I dig being used for consequence free sex. Not consequenceful sex.
I don't have any swimsuits that don't show off the weird handprint bruises on my hips. Do you have a onepiece I can borrow?
He made me hold his dick and say "I solemnly swear that I'm up to no good"
She's currently celebrating her completion of "Sober October" with "Margarita Shit-Show November."
High school girls are buying me shots. This will not end well.
I want to get so drunk, you will need subtitles to understand me. Rough week.
In the last six hours i have procured a free sandwich, watched three movies, and came to orgasm. If that isn't productivity then i don't know what is.
Well if YOU HAVE TO KNOW, we're laying across the street from the bar on that grassy hill trying to see who's she's with at the bar.
I Woke up still tied to the bed. I would say, it was a good night!
And then she proceeded to tell us that blowing your brother made her feel like part of the family. At this point you were still pretending to be a cat. Need I give another reason she can't live with us?
I plan on getting so intoxicated, that I think it's MY own birthday
Can I play this game?
i got drunk and started dancing with the plant because you were out of town
Randomize
