I just ate a cashew that looked EXACTLY like your dick.
please remind me not to sleep with group members until after finals week.
I think this breakup is Gods way of telling me I deserve a bigger dick
she walked out and i tried to get her to come back but i couldn't remember her name so i just whistled... future reference: that doesn't work
Like there's an 87% chance I'll end up on the bedroom floor demanding sex while freestyling in your face. I'm going to buy rum.
And don't worry, my exact words were "I can't believe a baby came outta that thing"
These bubbles make my penis feel like it is resting on clouds.
Prop 8 repealed and I FINALLY got my period. Good day for America!!!
I met my future husband in an elevator. Think Hispanic version of Dr. Bunsen Honeydew from the Muppets, but with eyes like Michael Fassbender.
Hit on in the middle of a Wal-Mart McDonald's by a really awkward nerd. There is not enough nope in the world.
Going back to the ever classy sneak out to the fridge and swig liquor from the bottle method. That it is legal for me to drink here makes the fact that I have to do this all the more depressing.
Next guy I fuck must be a cowboy
So I told him "To answer your question yes I am naked making pizza pops in your kitchen"
He put rainforest music on before we had sex I felt like I was in the Amazon
Thirty seconds is a long time in jizz time...
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