I woke up this morning to my phone notebook open and written was "reasons why I'm a whore in chronological order" then it listed everybody I've had sex with in the past five months.
Easy for you to say! His first impression of you isn't the drunk girl in a turtle costume who got hit by a car!
The twins are whispering in turkish together. I think I did something bad last night.
He managed to scream "cowabunga bitch" before he went down on me. Let me know if you still like him.
Not only is it unacceptable to be bar hopping alone at 5 o'clock. It is definitely unacceptable to do so with a lobster
Cavemen vs astronauts. weapons to be determined. Who would win?
so far, I've observed him try to hit on 3 girls, 1 guy and a bar stool. Humanity is amazing from a sober point of view.
So I'm thinking about sending him some "sorry I almost peed on your computer" cookies. Thoughts?
And all I ask is the occasional "welcome home from work" blowjob.....and for you to fold my laundry. I hate folding laundry
Apparently I'm short enough to sit on his lap and fuck him while he is driving because the cop didn't notice.
I would steal a car if I knew it had wheat thins in it
is it necessary to steal the whole car?
Come get your pancakes and take a nap in my boobs.
It was an all night sausage fest and I was the lady of honor.
I'm really interested in the size of his penis so report back on that one
I collect Covid conspiracy theories like I collect Pokemon.
Randomize
