so i slept on a park bench last night...no hobo
We named our saturday intramural dodgeball team "we're hungover". Pretty much just an excuse to fuel my alcoholism on friday nights.
We all have a cross to bear. Yours just happens to be attracting gay men.
So currently I have a block of cheese duct taped to my air conditioner in lieu of a fridge.
Does this sound normal?...She's ironing on pictures of her dead cat to all of her green clothes...
The only reason I'd ever want a boyfriend is so that someone would spoon feed me applesauce when I'm so hungover I can't move
Recently successful and happy relationships are at an all time high now that you are no longer fucking so many peoples girlfriends. You alone have changed the mating patterns in the lower half of our county.
You need to stop relating my life to your schoolwork. But tell my girlfriend that she'd be proud.
I think I was using my hair to catch my vomit last night.
You were.
Leave the bottle at home cause either way I'm not taking another shot. You have no idea how long it took me to compose this text free of grammatical error.
Gold star for you, but I'm on my way and the soco is buckled in next to me. This is happening.
Currently putting together my outfit for this weekend, AKA a poster board that says "I'll cook you breakfast and do all your laundry, take me home." On front and back
Everyone thinks it's an okay idea now until I'm overdoing it on the vodka/clubs, dancing on a table, trying to make out with the groom.
Swear to god, somebody just drove by with mickey mouse in their passenger seat and he waved at me.
This is very awkward but where is my dildo, Mom
I mean, it's good for a lot of things. Just not the inside of your vagina
Well neither is bbq sauce but I dont judge kinks
Third time this week I've caught co workers dry humping. Quarantine really changes people's priorities.
Randomize