She tried to keep her legs crossed last night while doing a keg stand. Way to keep it classy.
Dude I was fucking my girl on the couch and her dog came up and licked my balls. Does that mean we just had a threesome?
is it STILL halloween? when did this turn into a week long holiday
You spent about half an hour trying to convince me that mesh condoms were a good idea.
Steve just broke his bong and some kid in an american flag bathing suit and no shirt just fell down the stairs. Its dangerous here
I was just handed jelly beans by a guy in a penguin costume. Standby for confirmation on if they are actually drugs.
I feel like my uterus is decaying in my body
we should probably just go check in at the police station right now
You keep saying things....but all I'm hearing is kegs
It's like a new game! Find out if he's circumcised without actually seeing it
just used my amazon order history to figure out my anniversary. I am the most epic/shittiest bf ever...
Well pulled into the driveway, and there she was. Kinda like a Vegas version of the mint on a pillow
I would totes reciprocate the nip pic, but I'm sick with a piece of tissue shoved up one of my nostrils and I'm just not feeling that ambitious. Sorry.
Yeah I was just reminiscing about that time a seagull shit on your head at the beach
They need to eat meat, go down on me the first time, every time, and know how to pull my hair. And there's a height requirement for this ride
Randomize
