I have got to lose weight!! Apparently no one wants to fuck a fat chick with herpes.
i'm home, then i'll come over
ightttt gangstaaaaaaaaaaaa
nvm.
Today I ate a sandwich and half my molar fell off, feels like a semi sprayed into my jaw.
I wish i was spraying into your jaw.
Bisexual people are plain selfish.
the $50 fast cash from checking button should just be retitled "8th of weed"
You were plastered and wouldn't stop telling this hot girl about your plan to graffiti a church in easter colored spray-paint saying that Jesus was a Zombie... she kept saying her father was a pastor...
My mom woke me up in a bubble bath this morning.
Apparently riding the dog like its a small horse is frowned upon in this establishment
I'll tell these girls I'm like the pet adoption center...don't play with it if you're not taking it home.
I keep replaying commercials about kittens frolicking and was crying nonstop. WILL MY PERIOD LAST FOREVER!?
Everyone is now just referring to it as "the night Hannah couldn't get laid" so needless to say you didn't miss much
I just saw a bunch of drunk old guys riding on the side of a modified old fire truck yelling at cars and smoking while they looked for parking...promise we will be just like them when we grow up?
I'm craigslisting fire trucks as we speak
she doesn't even know what year it is. She just stumbles around life with a bottle of rum
Nothing like sunday church bells to aid your walk to the pharmacy to get plan b
I realized my soar muscles form the shape of me leaning over a toilet
Randomize
