she is unbelievable! ever pee on a girl?
not while she was awake
i forgot how awkward it is to meet new people sober
Now that the olympics are over we have no excuse for getting belligerently drunk for nationalism every night.
an off duty cop drove behind me last night to make sure i didnt get a dui. i was blacked out drunk and on a pill of ecstacy. he knew this. i must be really pretty.
I started sorting laundry at 6 am. He finally got the hint and left
I think im gonna bang this 35 year old at a kids birthday party in the bathroom at this house while the kids open the presents.
You're getting spoiled, you better send me at least a side boob pic if you wanna see my dick dressed up as Davie Crockett.
So I think my aunt and her one legged boyfriend are getting it on in the next room. Traumatized does not even begin to describe what I am right now
Life Lesson #1 of 2013: double-fisting shower beers and shaving my bikini line should be reserved for two different showers.
we were looking for paper towels to wrap his hand and i yanked a drawer out of the cabinet, it was fun so we just kept doing it. things escalated and long story short, he isn't gettin his security deposit back
I mean. I just want to sit in my bed and eat bagels. What's wrong with that?
I apparently got up in the middle of the night after fucking him and started looking for you under piles of his clothing
I can see their wedding vows now: 'Til basicness do us part
Just had a smooth transition from sexting to buffalo chicken dip 😂😂😂
Your skills amaze me
Are you alive? Cause this is my official "im actually alive" text.
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