Get out...Run...Or there's going to be a dick in your mailbox
I got so many pubes stuck in her braces that when she yanked her head, I cried out like that one girl you "accidentally" rear-ended last week. Bald spots are battle scars.
she said your name and I thought she was asking me to motorboat her. Best. Miscommunication.Ever.
My spanish teacher discovered you can watch spanish music videos on youtube. Guess what were doing in class today? Michael Scott Spanish 101
I love Welcome Back Week...No I wont accept your god but i will accept that hot dog
Even after projectile vomiting watermelon on the beach, it still sounds appetizing.
why is there a fishing net hanging from my ceiling fan?
This is why Helen Keller didn't drink
I'm sorry I peed on the bushes at your law firm. Is there anyway you could defend me for the ticket I'm about to get?
When I die I just want my headstone to my name, date of birth-death, and TEQUILA!!
I'm sorry I keep drunk texting your boyfriend sports updates.
That's okay. He needs friends too.
So TMI but just realizing I have not masturbated since trump took office. He's sucked the sex drive out of me.
Drunk you wants to be petty, not you you.
Went to my bottom drawer for my stash , gone just a note says thanks sucker love dad
Hello! Time means nothing. Good morning! I have a vague idea of what day it is.
It is Muednethiday, March 34th, in the Year of Our Lord Joe Exotic 3099.
Randomize
