I woke up at 11 this morning in my car parked in front of the bar.
I know, I tried to wake you up, but I couldnt. So I walked home
my brother is about to go smoke a joint outside... he's preparing his munchies on the counter beforehand. I admire his responsibility.
using the left over highlighters from the blacklight party to study for finals. feeling the need to write insert penis here on my econ notes.
She liked every single Facebook status in her newsfeed and then made her status 'I LIKE U GUYS'
Friends bring friends secret work margaritas. my pink water bottle is in the cupboard
sea world and a strip club? BEST DAY EVER!
We are no longer allowed to have pre 4th party week. I woke up with a donut stuck to my face and 'MILF' written in black marker on my stomach.
Mother of the Year
I just woke up ass naked on top of all my sheets, with no blinds in my room because i used them as togas, my back is killing me, im covered in sharpie, i have no memory of last night, and im pretty sure im still drunk. I consider the night a success
jusy threw up in the airport bathroom. I am no longer thankful for fireball.
The man sent me a video of him doing the helicopter, the least I can do is go visit him in the hospital
I shamewalked barefoot this morning and the Dos Equis delivery guy judged the shit out of me.
So on a scale of 1-10 how mad would you be if I sent you a picture from the inside of a strip club
Just deepthroated a hot dog. Thinking of you
just woke up and had to check if i still had pants on, i really need to stop drinking
so we have roughly decided that hes the dude all the chicks will bang in college, just so he will do their term papers
Randomize
