are we going to glenview for practice??
(3 hrs later) aids
where r u? what is story? im way too high right now
From behind she looks like Richard Simmons
Having an 'SDSU Mom' sticker is just like say 'Hi, my daughter has an std"
I just got hit by a car. I'm fine; I'll be to the bars in about 15
Paddidles count extra in the back of a cop car
We're smoking a joint the size of the average penis right now. I may not survive.
My dog just threw up a condom. Sorry for accusing you of not wearing one, I found it now.
I'm trying to figure if this dude sitting in his car with the door open is dead or just sleeping. Someone was probably wondering the same thing bout me 20 minutes ago. Your meeting is taking a ridiculous amount of time.
I come bearing gifts of whiskey and vagina
Listen I took a family sized bottle of merlot to the face last night and there's an svu marathon on. Give me some time please.
My eczema on my back is flaring up so he rubbed coconut oil on it while we were boning down. If that's not a picture of 8 years married I dunno what is.
How many nights in 2015 can we have no one get injured, run away crying, or get into a brawl?
I had forgotten what new underwear feels like. It's as if angels descended from heaven for the sole purpose of supporting my junk.
I wish I had a clear image of the dude who was sucking on my tit outside the bar last night
You know I base where I go on the likelihood of me getting laid there. This includes work.
Randomize
