I just fired a shotgun out of the back of a truck going 60. i am going to miss oregon.
yeah. then i thought it would be a good idea to show them how hairy my armpits were, so they'd be distracted from the bush in my pants. EPIC FAIL.
Never again let me pretend to be australian for free booze.
mom and dad are leaving for florida on 4/20, this is a sign
You tipped the bathroom lady $20 and then yelled "IT'S YOUR LUCKY DAAAAAAAY" at her.
Did the math... it's Magna Cum Laude whether I get a 4.0 or a 0.0 this semester. I'm blacking out now, wake me up when I have to walk across the stage,
A French guy bit my cheek. Is that sexy there? Also had to threaten to stab the bus driver. I'm not sure I like Europe.
you puked on the porch, i can see your jacket on the floor next to your underwear. i know your home, unchain the door, you're the worst roommate ever.
I just puked my brains out on the side of the road (see picture) And I took a picture for our scrapbook! I am always thinking! =) tell me your proud?!
My chest hair is, as we speak, arching upward to embrace my neck beard. The union will be a storied one.
When did we convert life to cartoon?
I know I've wanted to fuck him for the past month, but when you're that hungover, the only chemistry you have is with a pillow and a gallon of water.
I just found my lube on the ground next to my bed. I would pay money to find out what the fuck happened that night.
We broke into a construction site had sex on a scissor lift and realized it was a church...tomorrow again??
Joke’s on you. I got to talk to a furry about why nukes are bad and why musicals are good.
Randomize
