Who has a tranny cab driver? I have a tranny cab driver.
So I had sex in the woods... it was just as dirty as you'd expect it would be.. and not in a good way.
Oh shit. I just had to lure him into the bedroom so I could take the list of his negative qualities off the fridge so he wouldn't see.
She got mad when I told her I'd bone her mom. She got MORE mad when her mom heard, and was flattered by it. Proud to say I attract MILFS.
dude, it should not be this hard to find a bottomless mimosa on a friday morning
just leaving uw hospital. they thought i had franzia-induced appendicitis. whaaaaat
...he tried to burn down someone's house once. ABORT ABORT ABORT
We had him convinced Visine is flammable. He was genuinely freaked out that everyone would know when he was stoned.
It is not if she takes a guy home Karaoke night. It is how many.
Future roommate keeps sending me pictures of cool shit she has for our dorm and I'm just like "... I have a set of Aggie wine glasses a great set of tits."
Holy shit, just saw a girl in the library smoking a bong disguised as a calculator
Closed my eyes in the shower and got really dizzy. Not sure if neurological or result of 4 day vodka binge. Send help.
i am rolling on molly so fucking hard i want to do 300 cartwheels
I KEEP THINKING INAPPROPRIATE SEXUAL THOUGHTS ABOUT YOU AND I AM SORRY.
It's all fun and games until your mom recognizes your bootycall from 2018 as her attorney
Randomize
