i don't know what kind of porn he watches.. but that is NOT how you do it...
So we were banging and she started puking all over my bed. I'm not sure what's worse, her puking, or that I felt the urge to start singing Flip-adelphia.
the spit in my mouth is still 99% not mine.
My vagina is depressed thinking about her future.
I was in the bathroom puking up mountains of tequila and when he came to help me, I held the door shut and kept yelling at him to let me be a lady.
We just set the fire alarm off with a fog machine. What's my first instinct? Finish my drink. I think I handled that correctly.
You'd think somebody who rolls blunts like jesus himself could roll a god damn burrito
Sexual Frustration City, population: Me.
I just tried to give a picture of a dude a blowjob. through my computer screen. I was leaning forward with my mouth open and everything so WALK AWAY
We got buck wild in our animal onesies last night. You kept ripping off your tail in angry rages.
After what I experienced at 6am this morning, all I can say is chew your noodles thoroughly.
I don't know how that blunt survived being in your pocket all night but you pulled it out at 4 am in 7/11 and tried to fire it up. Zero fucks given
DUDE. HOLY FUCK MY PRINCIPAL WAS JUST MY UBER DRIVER. I AM LITERALLY TRAUMATIZED. ANS DRUNK. HOLY FUCK OMG
He listens to me complain and in return I send him naked pictures. It's a win win situation
So, just how hungover are you?
Not at all, surprisingly.
That has to be your X-Men power.
There's a big difference between a penis and a toilet.
Randomize
