you keep denying me to hang out, should i take a hint?
you keep asking me after midnight, should i take a hint?
If my vag had twitter, what do you think it would say?
u ever jackoff with ur legs spread and pretend ur fuckin urself as a girl and get mad u'll never know what that feels like. Or to fly like a bird?
Did u absorb a fraternal twin in the womb?
he opened the microwave and beer cans poured out
I think the duck is in my room. You have no idea how much worse a duck makes a hangover
Sober me is really good at getting to the airport on time. Drunk me is really good at shitting my pants. Do you know how much pants cost at the airport????
It's not really that big. Girls just think it feels big. It's a cocktical illusion.
Someone posted a printout of my tits on my door this morning! Where did they get this photo!?!
Of the two of us, which one has licked a drag queen's tit in the past 5 days?
Drugs are gluten free tho, right?
Can I come by? I want you to meet my squirrel
Are you the reason I woke up without pants?
You know, normal sex stuff involves shitting your pants. If you do it right.
Don’t eat the Doritos. Jeff was eating them while he was watching porn
Listen, yo... we need to have a serious conversation about this Dollar Store toilet paper. Because if I’m going to finger someone’s ass, it’s not going to be my own.
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