he shaved USA in his pubs
I don't know what I could have possibly done in a past life to deserve watching my boyfriend projectile vomit margaritas and probs blood while completely naked.
he got his own cum in his own eye. TWICE. how do you make that mistake again?
it's to the point where working 2 jobs this summer will absolutely not cover how much i will spend on alcohol next semester.
At home depot. Final room inspection is tmrow, gotta paint over the puke stains
Getting wasted on top of a casino. My penis is so much higher than everyone else's right now.
Liver, I have supported you for 18 fucking years. Pull your weight for ONE NIGHT and detoxify this alcohol.
we used the fire extinguisher you had been cuddling with to decorate the cop car while they were inside arresting everyone
Guys, Black Friday does not exist in the world of dealing. Stop texting me asking what my deals are.
Don't you hate falling asleep on the couch with a glass of wine in your hand? It's like dreaming about peeing and then realizing you've peed the bed only stickier.
I woke up to Dragon Ball Z playing in Portuguese and a donut shish-kebab~ed on a dick in my face.
dude, shes trippin so bad. idk what shes on, she just told me she doesnt remember her name then proceeded to get in the shower clothed to try to "rinse off the high"
I've seen your dick too many times for both of us to be straight.
i only got to wear my halloween costume for an half hour before it got taken off.
Standing straight up with intensity he came in his own mouth. I know this because he showed me the video from five different angles when asked if I would like him to demonstrate. And I did.
Randomize
