So gin and wine won't be happening again
Having a pigeon watch you poop is just creepy. Drunk or not.
who has that picture of us looking like alcoholics at the zoo?
I come back upstairs and there he was sitting in a speedo. He handed me a blanket and said "let's cuddle" how is this real life?
I dont know what we smoked last night but I woke up and found out I started writing a book called White Trash Princess. Its the best thing Ive ever read
I had lunch with him today and quietly mourned his wasted good looks on such a disappointing set of genitals.
He just walked from his house to mine. Walked in and asked for a hug and then left.. And he's sober.
I'm not the one who gave a guy that lives next door to my grandmother a blowjob in a pub bathroom in Ireland, you have no room to judge.
His gf just liked my changed relationship status. She's gonna shit bricks when she finds out he left her for me. Bless her little heart.
I have just found the cubicle of sustenance. And I will rejoice at all the families that have not found this magic. This vodka cubicle of magic.
you said you wanted to call me grandma and give me hugs
Your roommates will be treating you to many anecdotes about my intentions to have aggressive sex with you. I'm sorry in advance.
I thought it turned out lovely. You got to see me almost naked and I got to be stoned to the point I was content with
Wtf when were you almost naked??
You mom sent me some article linking anal sex, damaged prostates and sterility. Does she still think your gonna go straight and have kids one day?
Did you clean my apartment?
I thought it was a dream, I'm sorry
Please stay more often
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