So we've decided on 'hamburger' as your code for tonight. If you add ketchup or fries, we know the threat level has escalated.
you started puking right when a nickelback song came on..it was epic
i just drank the rest of the vodka . Btw why did we put candy corn in it?
please hold off on going into labor, i might need you to take me to the free clinic
Hundreds of bug bites..Dad jokingly says "looks like you passed out naked in the woods somewhere"
Did you get your crutches off the street sign?
I thought you should know that there is a scientific law stating that when there is booze, people talk about your dick.
I am on a roof. I'm not sure which one, or why, or how, but I am on a roof and you should come get me. I can see info classrooms!
He wants me to hook up with his fiance while he watches. Text you later with how it goes.
I asked him to sing a song so he couldn't hear me throwing up as he was holding my hair
Dude we need to hang out soon. I'm in the mood to get arrested again.
You've discovered your super power: Your Vagina
I’ve lost count of how many disciplines of science this conversation about Harry Potter has gone through.
Just met my future wife. Please dont fuck her.
YOU WAXED MY CAT YOU SICK FUCK
Randomize