I just farted. And everybody around me is looking at the fat girl to my left. I win.
You and I should start a club for people who woke up on outside on a bench with no idea how they got there.
I think I just puked all over my comforter and my roomdmate won't wakt up to washc it for me
Way too hungover to be taking this many family pictures
How many times can I tell him I wasnt expecting sex before he realizes I'm just too lazy to shave all the time?
in the event i get tipsy, my nipples are your responsibility
Let me begin my 3 part apology by saying that you are a wonderful human being...
New rule : you aren't allowed anything . Ever .
In an m&m suit playing manhunt drunk. And you thought you werent guna have a good time
Apparently she has a 10 week old kid, which would explain the hallway effect I was feeling.
Commuter bitches be judging your sister and her bag fulla wine. It's a motherfucking rosé, bitch!
The only thing that got rode last night was the shit face train. I brought him home to see wht all the hype was about and he just started crying and puking in my bathroom.
We can't go back there. Ever. No context required, just know it's true.
Do you ever just feel the storm building inside of you that tells you you're ready for a giant indiscriminate fuckfest?
The first thing you did was give us a tour of the house and showed us who was "on-limits" and "off-limits"
Randomize
