u know ur drinking tonight lol i dont know why you try to deny it
but i dont wanna get emotional and drunk text
then give me ur phone
NEVER!!
i kept saying "bloody hell" in a ron weasley accent until i forcibly told myself to shut up
Just lost my virginity while listening to rick astley. torn between horror and jubilation
You were hugging the toilet and shouting "don't let fatty eat me" through the closed door.
I think I have vodka in my lungs
She Kept going around and squirting jello shots into guys mouths. That was her ice breaker.
We're walking, taxis are a waste of money that can be spent on alcohol.
Please tell me last night did not happen and there is another reason why my phone smells like ranch sauce ahahah
somehow attending a funeral viewing turned into me snorting cocaine in the bathroom and drawing ninja turtles for children
Well I think won that argument, as the cops were leaving, they offered me a ride to the airport
ETSY JUST SENT ME AN EMAIL WITH THE SUBJECT "SUMER ROMANCE" I'M BEYOND FUCKING DONE
I told you being able to play expert on guitar hero would get us laid one day
Its 9 am & i've been cleaning for 6 hours now with occasional crying bursts and two cocktails. Adulting 101.
I drunkenly said, "That's my future father-in-law!" And everyone made an uncomfortable / disgusted face... including the aforementioined future father-in-law. Maybe I should start dating other people.
You've been inside me, dude. There's no such thing as TMI.
Randomize
