Um, I don't know who U MEANT to send that to, but yes I WAS going to fuck you. Instead you can go play Halo with ur friends.
After I talked about my ex for about twenty minutes, she just listened, sluts are so understanding
shes got a really nice body. but her face is eh.
you dont need a face to have sex
Are you pooping in the stall next to me?
Maybe....
Cause I just heard a fart and it sounded like one of your farts.
sitting on my lesbian neighbors couch, sexting, & eating a burrito.. that single
'Twas I. Do you have any idea what it's like waking up to see you sent a text inviting someone to partake in "sexy rumpus?"
Just made macaroni burritos. Fukkin awesome. We'll have to try this when I'm sober.,!
I'll keep you from getting pregnant and you keep my papers gramaticallly correct
Dude. I knoww what ur thinking. Yes, your hand hurts. It's because you fell through a window. If and when you wake up, go to the hospital.
"just because you look like a short version of scarlet johanson does not mean I would immediately fuck you" that was the single.most difficult thing to say. but seriously I don't want the roots of the whore tree anywhere near my junk.
So guess who got away with telling their girlfriend she's insane multiple times in a Valentine's day card. Yup, this guy.
We were escorted through the guys dorm by 5 kids with nerf guns and zelda shields. I felt like the president with a fucked up secret service squad.
His Instagram is like a gay porn blog all of the sudden got conquered by the Mormon missionary that he is
when you wake up naked in a bed with glowsticks, a rolled ankle, a hangover, and a condom; alone. you wonder shit
got the runs at the club last night. wondering when it'll be safe to show my face again.
Randomize