I know...I feel like disliking her as a person on facebook
I hurt. I blacked out in a onesie. Reevaluation needs to happen.
I just need to go to a bar tonight wrapped in an American flag singing the national anthem
The nurse gave me a funny look when I said I thought I have an std in my throat. Bet she only does it missionary too
IT WAS SO BIG. I FORGOT GOD MADE THEM LIKE THIS.
I just found a video of you asking to be a whale with me.
That is NOT what pussyfooting around means. Try that again with your toe and I break it off.
It's been over a year since we've been get-so-drunk-you-throw-beer-cans-at-fat-girls-drunk together. That needs to change.
Whenever you're sad about your life, just remember that I'm on a first name basis with the late night taco bell drive-thru workers.
Okay let's look at your past accomplishments you've done hungover... Sat great score, academic decathlon, state for track. I think you are solid to go out tonight
My girlfriend is talking to my ex-boyfriend at the bar right now. I REPEAT, GIRLFRIEND IS TALKING TO EX BOYFRIEND RIGHT NOW. GET ME THE FUCK OUT OF THIS PLAACE
I pretended to be blind and he pretended to be my assistant and long story short, we had to buy that bra and panty set, and now we're both banned from Victoria's Secret AND I have a cum stained demi cup.
Well I finally got to say all the things I wanted to say. Including telling him he looks like a naked mole rat
One minute I'm going home the next I'm getting railed on the back 9.
While the cops were busting my party one of them said. O you have an Xbox? Do you play online? Whats your gamertag?....
Randomize
