wow, farting in latex pants is really awkward.
Umm ok I'm kinda freaked out right now bc the chick that lives next door is either having tantric sex or slowly suffocating her dog to death.
Hooking up with him would mean my type has officially become... drug dealer.
She just tried to snort granola up her nose but its ok she's not bleeding.
Get dressed, I have 50$ and you need a new beer pong table since we threw yours off the 8th floor last night.
I always enjoy the bewildered gaze as I buy chips, salsa and beer @ 0745.
I woke up naked, with the lights on, using my backpack as a pillow and a pillow as a blanket.
Um of course I blew him. He brought me a shamrock shake. It was two o’clock in the morning on St. Patrick’s Day. There was no smoother move basically. He totally earned that head.
Tonight I celebrated marriage equality by letting a girl I don't know kiss me at the club.
I just paid a hobo to give me his Santa hat so I can take Christmas nudes. Will send them later, they're fire.
Just used the pen i got in my signing ceremony to pack down my bowl. coach would be proud
Hey, you should go to your facebook ASAP... i'm guessing you're wasted but you just uploaded a picture of someones dick...and everyones taking bets now if its Rick or Mikes..
You just kept mumbling about the carpet being covered in stains that looked like the face of God. Until you decided that they were closer in relation to Dumbledore.
Threw up on break at work. That brings our collective tally to 9 times. We can never drink like that on a monday again
Buying a new pipe this morning, and setting up career plans this afternoon. It's called balance
Randomize
