I don't do stupid things anymore. I do stupid people.
the stripper made me go home becuz she had to take her kid to a birthday party in the morning
It would be one hovered percent delicioui
We ran out of ice cubes so I used ice cream. Everyone thought that was the plan all along. I just went with it.
i figured out i could get from the downstairs bar to the upstairs bar AND grab pizza by going through the kitchen. it was the greatest discovery of my life besides the flabongo.
and let me tell you something, handcuffs are surprisingly uncomfortable when they arent being used in a sexual manner
You kept asking her which dick pills worked the best. She's a grandmother.
You're invited to our X-games themed party. We have an ice luge and every time someone eats shit we drink. It's gonna be great.
I still have beer shits from last weekend. Dying from dysentary is a real threat at this point.
She's opening her family birthday cards at the bar. So we can pay our tab. Bitches wrote checks :(
have you ever seen all dogs go to heaven this is important
My drug dealer bought me a book for Christmas. What a gentleman.
New fact of life: getting Becca high never helps any situation at all ever.
i woke up face planted on your ottoman..thanks for letting me sleepover
i woke up wearing a life jacket, holding on to a footlong hotdog, and had on a mr. hustle 1995 shirt on
good night
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