We succumbed to passion, and then he had to go meet his girlfriend. End of story.
I got so high that I decided to drive with my knees on the way home. Where am I going in life?
Nowhere
What I lack in compassion I make up for in lack of compassion
Pls don't use the words alligator, purple, and sperm in the same sentence ever again.
Thanks for the birthday present, i had so much fun playing with it
Are you talking about my vagina?
Just had sex with a girl from Italy. The only english she knew was Obama campaign slogans. Her screaming, "Yes we can!" as I was railing her not only turned me on but allowed my neighbors to know it was consentual.
Wow... that's disturbing man, and their not even my balls
I AM HAVING A WEIRD OUT OF BODY EXPERIENCE. IN CAPS LOCK.
Actually I more feel like I'm on a ship about to grab the holy grail off an island
The ship is me being high the holy grail is some profound idea I'm about to have
I'm sorry I peed on the bushes at your law firm. Is there anyway you could defend me for the ticket I'm about to get?
That's always how I imagine things at your apartment...
Good, I'm glad you don't have some weird, skewed, clothed version of reality over here.
she had a dildo shaped like a dolphin. she will forever be known as Flipper
Hey when you get home, can you do me a solid and throw one of your pregnancy tests on my bed?
EPT or First Response?
I'm not gonna lie. I need sex like plants need water right now. I just need the dick.
Have you ever thought, hey maybe the reason we were togather that long was because I was drunk the whole relationship?
Randomize
