I just realize today that I've dated three guys this year with their own blog. Ugh that's embarrassing.
Why is your vibrator in the fridge?
I'm testing sex in Alaska before I go there.
Its so hard looking at my mom and pretending I'm not dying a slow death of binge drinking
Aside from the fact that im drinking wine straight from the bottle to save doing dishes, im also standing in front of the oven to save turning on the heater. its gonna be a rough winter.
the lesbians just got naked and went into the ocean... this never happened when i was a camper.
Would "deck the halls with penises " be an appropriate event title? I know peni is the plural but flow of the tongue as well
He passed out in the car on the way to the party. Seabiscuit tripped before the race even started....Lil bitch....
You have not lived until you've puked on your sequined UGGs in the Rite Aid parking lot while going to buy emergency contraceptives.
You know you're a fat kid when you've spent half the day having a twitter conversation with Pizza Hut.
My bathroom smells like artichokes and absinthe. I am naming a perfume after you and using the money to buy new towels.
Did I fall on/off the boat yesterday? Cuz my right leg looks and feels like if it got hit by shrapnel.
It was the hardest I ever came in my life and once I could see straight again I just looked at him and said "cool"
I threw up in a flower pot outside the bar last night and have a date tonight....I think I missed something
My mom just walked in and saw a picture of his penis. She then asked me "Do you even have a cervix left?!" I don't know what to feel anymore HA
Yeah well that's a good thing right? Like mothers approval? Kinda like a Fathers blessing but. . . better?
He literally poured blue Gatorade on me after we had sex and said "good game" all over my white sheets
Randomize
