Crying babies in a bar. Really?
And she just changed the baby's diaper on the table. It's killing the beer garden.
I'm playing wingman, but I want to pull a Goose and die.
She broke both of her ankles trying to jump off the balcony. it's like every time she drinks she makes even more impressively bad decisions than the last time
We didn't have a blender so we made the margaritas by running over a garbagebag full of ice with the car and then stirring it with a knife in a French-press coffee pot. CAN YOU SAY RESOURCEFUL?
Last time I sleep with a guy with a penchant to fragrance his dick. Every time I sit to pee, I get a whiff of Axe body spray.
I just ran into the married chick you banged 2 years ago at our apt! She asked me if I could get her coke! Memories bro. Memories
They took my balls.
How exactly does one go about seducing an older, possibly blind gentleman?
I know I come to this conclusion on a fairly regular basis but I really do need a babysitter
Idk man there's lots of bad dick but even a bad cookie is still pretty good
Also a shrinking boner emoji would be helpful
Hey, you know that marble art statue thing in your bedroom? Hypothetically what would happen if a penis got stuck in it?
Lest it die in the depths of eternal drunken recall denial...we peed in the street. Middle of the street. Simultaneously. Peed. Street. Middle of street.
Why do we always have to be the people who get blamed for animal intoxication incidents?
I just made deviled eggs for everyone not passed out. Im officially becoming a drunk chef.
Randomize
