He wants to know how I lost my bra in his pants....id like to know too
It says a lot about how well I know you when I can understand messages of yours that say things like "sauteed Jesus."
Do something fun then. Blow up the house or whatever.
How have you survived this long?
Dumb luck and a deal with the devil.
If we go out with the 22/23 year olds we should make t a double date. I don't want to endure the judging looks of the public as I rob the cradle alone.
Here's my first problem: I'm drunk
Hes pre-made beer lollipops so he "can suck before the sex" QUOTE!
Found a popcorn kernel in my pubes... Time fir a Brazilian
A dry HJ only, please. I don't deserve the comforts of lube after my horrendous fantasy football performance
i dont know whats worse..that i woke up in a gorilla suit or that its covered in peanut butter
I watched you down those shots like a lion cub watching its mother rip apart a gazelle
You having your own car has severely reduced the amount of blowjobs I get.
He asked me who my new boyfriend was and I showed him a picture of my sex toys.
I woke up missing my shoes and my left eyebrow. MY. EYEBROW.
If I die tonight somebody's going to have to let all my tinder matches know.
My favorite part was when you kept telling everyone you were being "green" by drinking straight out of the bottle so u weren't wasting a cup.
Randomize
