i found the vodka. it was hiding in the orange juice.
NEED BACKUP we are in the kitchen arguing about who would win in fight against lil Wayne and snoop dog
I tried to go shot for shot with some guy called "shit show martinez"
after last night i think it would be a good idea if i wrote a will... you know, just in case.
Hey for future reference vodka can not be substituted for water when shaving your legs
I can't wait for round whatever # we're on tonight.
found a better reason to procrastinate than the usual sunday-don't-give-no-fucks. literally every one of my textbooks is soaked in captain. can't turn a page without gagging.
I find it fascinating that she'd be more comfortable with her mom finding out she submits dirty disney confessions on tumblr than about her secret email account she uses to chat with dutch and brazilian strangers.
I tried to steal a Mike's Hard sign last night but it didn't work out
why what happened?
Well it was going fine.. until the bouncer noticed the three foot steel lemon sticking out of my jacket.
You left me a drunk voicemail of you describing your pizza to me at 2 AM
I know you like got hit by a car but do you want to come to my birthday pardi
you know you're in deep when you watch fear and loathing in las vegas and every damn scene is relatable.
Why in the hell is there a guy dressed up as a horse passed out in our kitchen.
happy birthday!
because he's a firefighter, wouldn't sleeping with him be like saying thank you to the community?
She woke up, mumbled "the trees" When i asked her what about them, she yelled "WE NEED THEM FOR OXYGEN," Then went back to sleep.
We need to get on her level.
Randomize
