Dating a girl 4 years younger than you is like living in a Taylor Swift song...
this text is just filler to avoid a lull in the conversation
He walked in and put an x made out of tape on the floor. He then announced that he was going to pass out there. Cocky or strategic?
Your boobs are like a big quesadilla marker
Who was the person who brought the rooster when they won @ beer pong
Also can you rate on a scale of zero to jesus restraining order christ how creepy it is that he found a porn star that looks like me and has watched all the porn that she's been in
I can't straight up say the only reason I smoked a couple bowls with you was for your three legged cat
Dude I'm riding a fucking tortoise this is awesome you should come with me more often
When you were bringing him upstairs I told him to bring you on down to pound town. you're welcome.
They put me in room 420 every time and I take bubble baths and smoke in the room and they bring food TO MY BED
Actually just remembered that solo cup full of scotch that random guy gave me for not farting on him. That's probably why
I'm scrolling through our convo thread and all we talk about is pizza, alcohol & dick with the occasional "I miss you" thrown in.
He went in for a kiss so I shook his hand instead.
This is not a test of the emergency warning system. He has broken my vagina. I repeat he has broken my vagina. Damn it was good.
Can I send you a random dick pic? It's got a lightsaber tattoo
Randomize
