He’s a liberal pot smoker and perfect for me. He invented a game where we have to smoke a joint every time you hear a Middle Eastern accent on NPR.
We videoed ourselves having sex... I now know why I close my eyes during sex
i have a wrist watched drawn on my wrist that it says shot o clock
I heard about the break up and if you need a place to stay my vagina is open for you 24/7
I'm mentally preparing my vagina for this semester. It's fucking welcome week. I'm going to be talking to her all night.
Would "deck the halls with penises " be an appropriate event title? I know peni is the plural but flow of the tongue as well
Cleaning my room at 2am, in just one corner I found six beers, half a pint of whiskey, my flask, 2 shotgun bullets, my crown and shimmer lotion.
I suppose we should both be prepared for the secret service to come visit us after this conversation. Hi NSA.
I had to ask him for a dick pic. Do you know how refreshing that was?
...and that's why girls with IBS don't paint their nails
Shut up. The only friend I need in life is Jim Beam because life is meaningless.
i just had to ask the gas station attendant what state i was in... winning at life.
im in missouri by the way.
on the bright side i found your panties and the lid to the nutella
I woke up using a beer can as a pillow. successful party?
I get sad thinking about all the sex I’m missing out on because of the virus
I instituted “quarantine and chill” months ago. It’s not like penises go soft just because they’re working at home.
Randomize
