I want your puppy
I meant pussy
I would rather you take my puppy
Im so sleepy and hes snoring super loud! i just wanna suffocate him, sleep, and deal with the body when I wake up
Let me rephrase. Would it display my intentions too much if i walked all the way across my office and into the bathroom carrying my book
What happened to the watermelon?
You fucked it.
Why do fat girls all have such cute faces?
God wants them to get laid too.
You're just telling me nice things because you came in my eye.
there are some nice people on this island. free ride free pancakes and they even prayed for us when they dropped us off
Just saw all the pictures from the party. I'm wearing a different shirt in every single one.
All three women i have fucked in the past week are here in the same bar. Gameface, go.
Gonna go for any of them?
Thursday night girl, but friday is watching and tuesday is serving us.
I almost had to get my pinky cut off. Wow I'm so happy. We won beer olympics so i didnt hahaha
I don't think it's considwred fine dining when you're passing out at golden palace in chinatown at 4 am with you boss who happens to be wearing a dress.
Breaking into his house to steal the sheets I'd drunk pissed on before he got home was not how I wanted to be spending spring break
This is not a costume party, I'm just wearing fairy wings.
Of course you are.
I'm back in the dating scene now... Since the legality issue calmed down. And my stalking charges were dropped.
Just come home. We will have sex and Taco Bell. I'm feeling wild, I put on temporary tattoos.
Randomize
