Want to have sex later?
This feels like a trap
So we were in the middle of hooking up when he stopped me. I thought he was having a moral dilemma about the whole having a girlfriend thing. But no. He got down on all fours, butt naked, and started throwing up and farting simultaneously. I took it as my cue to leave.
apparently, "please pick me up from the airport" also means "i got drunk on the flight and need to give you roadhead in broad daylight"
My vagina has officially become a vortex for sexually confused frat guys.
Just made my alarm the Lion King song. Too excited about waking up to sleep.
the last time i saw him was an hour he was floating face down in a pool... but i'm sure he's fine.
There was blood everywhere. She was pretty good looking person though.
Just watched a drug bust from the Ralphs parking lot while listening to Frank Sinatra. Happy Valentine's Day.
Not till Sunday. I'm going to sleep in my car. And I know. This place is insane. Blood on the stAirs 5 dollar slices of pizza. A girl on our floor had a stroke.
Why don't you throw your vagina at it and see what happens?
It's like your tits told gravity 'fuck you, I'm fine right here!'
Just rolled up to a matinee showing of THE HOBBIT. At the dollar theater. Alone. In sweats. With a fifth of sunnybrook and leftover pizza in a ziplock. There's a dude here in cape with his elderly mother. I'm handling this breakup FIIIIIINE.
There's someone howling in the parking lot. Haha.
I DMed the cop that arrested me to come unlock my keys out if my car today
I never imagine I'd say this, but can I ask Jeff for the butt plugs back even though it was a gift and we broke up?
Randomize
