You must have had one hell of a time explaining to that girl why aladin soundtrack was playing on repeat in your room when you got back
your cum blends into my yellow sheets :/
I want to give my boyfriend great head for his birthday...can i practice on you?
i prefer some hard alcohol, but wine makes me feel less of a progressive alcoholic
They're like penises that have been put in a blender.
You didn't have enough money so you tried to convince the cashier that "four dollar foot long" rolled off the tongue better. Stop drinking. Immediately.
btw when he was trying to sleep i was apparently poking him in the face w my 'flipper' slurring random manatee facts
He came in my nose, then said it would help clear my sinuses.
You are the only person I know who got away with wearing a turtleneck while getting laid. ONLY person.
Remember when we made you finish your beer after you puked into your glass?
i hate being the asshole.
I legit just woke up on my couch, snuggled up next to some guy who's wearing my roommate's pink bathroble. What the fuck do they put in those shots?
You're putting the star player on the bench. You dont put Michael Jordan on the bench.
Are you referring to my vagina as Michael Jordan?
Guess who woke up with a hangover this morning? The same person whose parents found out and woke her up by banging pots and pans with wooden spoons.
I think my body is a cloud. This mixture of things is heavenly. Dare was wrong, drugs are awesome.
Why can't I come over and snuggle you and make you lick my boots
Randomize
