The night began with "let go home early so we can study for my 9am final" and ended with "show me your boobs for a free pack of gum".My breasts are worth 14 sticks for a dollar.
Hows this for an invention: a toilet that weighs your poop
Mars, I'm going to name my child horatio mars. He will hate me till he gets high. Then he'll understand
dude she's married.
so? a ring don't cover no holes.
plan parent hood is for high school, im at the abortion clinic, so college.
The world would have a new energy source if someone would just take a blacklight to the backseat of that slut's car
i just missed the spain goal because i was puking in the bathroom. damn you open bar.
he tried to breastfeed my turtle
This is a mass text. Surprise drug testing at work today. Either I've finally got to fuck my boss or I've got to quit to make this all go away. Please respond with option a or b.
All inclusive resorts are actually just places that livers go to die.
that bad?
u-n-l-i-m-i-t-e-d. f-r-e-e. t-e-q-u-i-l-a.
Yes I slept with him, he was the only one not wearing a costume. Guys with costumes are just trying to impress you.
I kind of really want to call off the engagement but I kind of need his mom's mashed potatoes on thanksgiving so I'm between a rock & a hard place here
We woke up on vday and got high and played frisbee in our living room for a couple hours and then had sex. It was probably the most romantic valentine's day i've ever had
My mother expressed her concerns about my drinking via a facebook message.
The best part of last night is not remembering half of it
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