Hey sorry about saying i hated you. it was the coke and the ice cream.
it's not cheating when I paid for it
Do I buy ice cream sandwiches or a 40? these are the difficult life decisions I am faced with.
I'm playing a game where i judge myself by whats in my cart. Also have 3 bright red giant buckets
BTW waking up to a picture of you taking a shot of what I can only assume was shitty lukewarm liquor out of a blow up dolls butt made my day
I have a bruise on dick where you tried to "high five" me.
He just showed up with a bottle of wild turkey a half a can of coke and some marshmallows yelling "gobble gobble bitches" my roommates hate my cousin
Sometimes the gods of alcohol choose to take you on a mysterious journey and you just have to go with it
All I've done for this 11 hour car ride is kegel and listen to our sex playlist so your dick better be good and ready
I know. His dick was small at the top and got bigger at the bottom, like a fucking curling wand.
I have aggressive nipples.
My mom always wanted to raise a classy lady, it just turned out to not be her daughter.
I was trying to sext but got a notification that my dad and professor both commented on my Facebook photo. Bad timing.
You do realize it’s only a matter of time before I have a bad day and come home with an alpaca?
If he’s halfway attractive, employed and cool with me having boytoys, I’ll marry him
Randomize
