and he thought i came like four times in 2 mins. my leg just kept cramping up
Dude, I just saw a sixteen year old girl in a catholic school uniform buying a pregnancy test... With a coupon!
shut up i haven't hooked up with anyone since 45 minutes ago
you got thrown out for pissing in a cup in the corner. you told one guy it was okay because you went to college and that he wouldn't understand
Her little brother walked in right as I was finishing and was like "uhhh hey there's a lunar eclipse outside"
Just went outside to gather hail to use to make margaritas since we ran out of ice. That's God's way of helping us out.
He came on my face. Threw a towel at me. Stole my weed. And left. I thought this would be over after we graduated?
he drunk texted me to give me his number with the message "i gotchu pretty eyeso" i can't tell if he's complimenting me or himself.
I am going to wait until he wakes up to set his couch on fire and then pee it out. That way he knows it was not an accident.
Luckily my prof thought I was puking from nerves and gave me motivational mini speeches the entire final.
This is love.
Which part? The alcoholic cupcakes or the lesbian st paddys day party?
And literally 4loko margaritas are callin my name. They're like "Hey girl come on over here I'll make you forget about grades and boys and it'll be a good idea to send everyone 55 snapchats of your cleavage" ok
She rode my dick so hard I momentarily lost hearing. I guarantee I had the better St Patrick's.
i feel like if my pee,blood, or vomit is on it...it should belong to me by default. can we make that a rule?
They are in the bedroom next door. We might have a threesome idk. Jesus take the wheel.
GO. DO.
I am Jesus and I am taking the wheel.
Randomize