What drug did you take that made the cabinets scream at you?
We are not buying weed off a guy from the internet.
Not enough clothes on. Not enough vagina. Not enough drugs in my body.
I just realized that the thing that smelled like an electrical fire in my house was me.
Poking every semi-decent guy on Facebook in the hopes that one of them will want to hook up with me tonight. So far all i've accomplished is 5 new poke wars which i will most certainly continue after this weekend.
You passed out with your mouth on the faucet, straddling the keg, with your arms wrapped around it
You remember the guy they called Meat in high school? Well, let's just say my vagina remembers him now.
I apparently used the line "I'm a bouncer too so i would know if I were too drunk" then they asked me to leave.
Trimming my pubes at 1 AM, drunk, listening to Stevie Ray Vaughn. What has become of me.
Jesus christ stop updating me about every aspect of your life.
i was thinking shit as she was saying it. it was a sarcasm time loop
and than he said 'I did amateur porn for a while' and I just knew tinder did not fail me this time
So I got this new job… ever been fucked in a corner office before?
He texted "fuck you" before blocking me on all social media. Come to think of it, that's also the last thing my mother said to me. Could it be that I'm the problem?
I mean, she's batshit insane and once choked a guy with one hand but she's still MILF material in my book.
don't think less of me for this, but i'm pretty sure he did a line off my boob last night.
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