I puked the same amount of times as the number of bars i went to last night
The walk of shame is so much worse when you've spent the night third wheeling.
i would one night stand the shit outta him
just stole 2 cases of forties from some freshman in the woods by pretending to be a cop. that ten dollar spotlight is really turning a profit
Judging by his buldge, this guy is huge. just paid steve to follow him into the bathroom and find out. They had a convo about it.
Just pooped at the strip club. NOT NORMAL . I may be a little too comfortable here.
When you accidentally type "I want Prince William to fuck me in the ass" to your mom there's really no way to take that back.
It's nights like those I refer to my life motto: You can't be just friends with someone after you've seen their genitals.
I feel as though sleeping all day due to the effects of prescription painkillers paid for by union insurance made this the most American day ever for me
But the Super Mario beer pong table is more than appropriate.
I feel like emojis are just meant for explaining sex without using words to make anyone uncomfortable. It's a true gift
Out of all the things you could eat off of my tits you choose lettuce? Thats so healthy. Yuck.
That awkward moment when you are on your way to ICU and the only sympathy gift you can think of is beer and whiskey
Do you remember telling the Uber driver that "his cologne makes you want to bone"?
I'm the kind of gay who carries his anxiety medication in case the club scene gets too fierce
Randomize
