She said so on her MySpace, so it's gotta be true.
how's this sound. You, me a box of pink franzia and a night full of possibilities in your basemen. I'll be me. You be you. And we'll see where it goes
Some guy on the train just glared at me. So I'm drinking tequilla out of a dixie cup. Go fuck yourself.
He tried to write down the address for the cab on half a bagel.
Idk what else to talk about besides you paying for half of my vaginaplasty.
I slept with someone shorter than me. My vagina weeps.
You fool.
Jacked up my neck and shoulder hanging on for dear life while I rode him like a boss. Plus my house smells like broccoli, bad! How's YOUR morning?
You gotta start bringing a flask to work so you can get a head start
Possibly a very genius or very terrible idea...
I deflowered you on valentines day. I AM THE BEST AT ROMANCE. LOVE ME.
I gave my girlfriend a ring to celebrate our anniversary, she thought It was an engagement ring. Now im getting married and I don't know what to do.
Dick is the cure to depression. I'm almost positive. And cough syrup.
By the time I realized I was watching a Danish porno with muppets it was already too late
As in, legitimately worried. You just sent me a 6 message long text that did not contain any complete words.
NOT PREGNANT HIGH FIVE!
It started with drunk jenga and ended with me simultaneously peeing and puking on his feet in the tub while he held me up. I met Tequila. I don't like her.
Randomize
