She announced her abortion via fbk
he screamed my twitter name while we were having sex.
He moved away. I mourned his dick all of Sunday. I feel a little better now.
Then they all walked away with the drinks I bought them, and the fat one slapped me in the face. I left and my car had been towed. Worst night ever.
Covered in gravy. Never pour gravy while drinking.
She trust falled out of a window. It was like that scene from A Little Princess but with a lot more blood.
My birthday was already very memorable but her punching me in the face put it over the top. I love being 25 and still not giving a fuck.
I don't know what I wash first. My body or my puke painted car. People are judging me as I drive by.
They were taking shots out of the caps of perfume bottles. This is too much for me.
I JUST MADE OUT WITH A BRITISH SOCCER PLAYER. LONG LIVE THE QUEEN. GOD BLESS THAT COUNTRY.
You have ruined sex with him for me. Now all I think is "boy scout" and I want to go home
Is the mullet a good, great, or horrible idea before we leave for college
I wore home his HoHoHo boxers. I've never felt such a connection to an article of clothing.
Someone needs to get Mark off the roof. I told you that he doesn’t shut up about ancient Egypt if you give him henny.
i made that whipped coffee shit today. took six pouches of instant espresso.
please tell me you didn’t consume six shots of espresso
:)
i can feel colors
Randomize
