I haven't shaved so I have to behave myself. I'm going to do this from now on.
I've already planned a drinking game for mtvs jersey shore....jagerbomb everytime they do
woman puking in liquor store parking lot at 9:30 on a tuesday morning = best commute ever.
I just did a sobriety test in a tutu.
you wouldn't believe how quickly birth control dissolves in vodka
OH BABY IM HERE AND IN A BLANKET FORT
COME TO THE BLANKET FORT
There should be a company that sends nadgrams. They're like candy grams except the recipient gets kicked in the balls.
Besides. I don't even really like sex because it feels great. I like it because for thirty minutes I own that guys ass.
WHY AM I CRAWLING IN OLDER MEN HOLY JESUS
then she lifted her dress, tweaked her own nipples, and then ordered another round for everyone. this place is wild at 9pm.
This means I've slept with 2 ppl that live in vans...my life is complete
Can you please explain to me why there are 7 bags of tacos in my bed?
I'll be naked. By 11. Then arrested. Drunk tank adventures
They say you need two forms of ID, but in reality 1 nice set of tits works every time
Sorry dude, one minute I was flirting with a bachelorette party from Dallas and the next I’m being tied to the bed by the bride
Trying to wrangle us an invite to the wedding
Randomize
